


Citadel DLC:Mordin Solus

by reginliefvalkyrie



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-05-30 06:51:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 29,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6413371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reginliefvalkyrie/pseuds/reginliefvalkyrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically, it's the Citadel DLC with Mordin as the 'romance'. Mordin cures the genophage without dying. Don't ask how that works.<br/>It's a bit choppy at parts since fight scenes aren't my strong suit. I figured the dialogue was more important.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sushi and Joker

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, I took this very seriously, but after a while, it kind of turned into a giant joke. Anyway, it's in first person so Shepard can be whatever gender you want. I apologize if at times Shepard seems more like a girl, I am a girl after all. So, enjoy!

The host and I made eye contact and he gestured me forward. “Ah, Commander Shepard.” He had a French accent. “Your table is ready.”  
I looked around the host and saw Joker. He had his arm in the air. I raised my hand to show I’d seen him. I made my way through the restaurant to Joker’s table. It was in the far back corner.

“Hey, Shepard. Not bad, huh? This sushi place is serious. Like, ‘French guy at the door’ serious.”

I sat down.

“Only had to save the galaxy twice to get a table here. You’ve seen the line outside?” We both looked to the front. Yeah, it was some line. Someone was waving their arms and tried to dart around the host. I almost felt bad for the host.

“But here I am, drink in hand.” Joker lifted his glass high. “Best piolet in the universe and a rock star.”

“Any news from the Normandy?” I asked. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to drink. Get drunk off my ass or be good and drink something boring. 

“Ah, you know. Maintenance stuff. It’s hard knowing a bunch of strangers are poking around in my ship. I mean…your ship.”

“The best we can do right now is park her, and let the techs do their work.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe an oil change, space tire rotation.”

“Right. Trust me, it’ll do her some good.” I really wanted to ask Joker if he was actually worried about EDI and all those techs touching his ‘girl’.

“Oh, I trust you. Not sure about those shifty aerospace engineers. Always stealing the silverware.” 

Was our silverware even worth stealing?

“Let someone else do the work for once. Hackett’s orders. You’re on shore leave.”

“Yeah, whether we like it or not.”

“I’m sure you’ll manage.” I took a drink. Oh, God, it was awful. What the hell was this?

Joker looked at his empty glass. “I may need a drink that comes with an umbrella.”

“I’m the first human Spectre. I’ll get you two umbrellas.” 

“Awesome use of power, boss.” He nodded in approval. “So…your email said it was important?”

“My email?” I furrowed my brow. “I’m here because I got a message from you.”

“The hell? I didn’t send anything.” He gestured around us. “Do you really think they’d give me a table here? I’m just the piolet rock star. You’re Commander Shepard.”

I’d just drained my glass when I heard someone call me.

“Commander!” It was the woman the host had stopped. “Excuse me. Sorry.” She ran into a patron dropping her datapad. She quickly scooped it up and hurried over. “Alliance business. Commander, this is urgent.”

“I don’t think that’s the umbrella lady.”

“I don’t think that’s a thing.”

“Commander Shepard, I’m Staff Analyst Maya Brooks. Alliance, excuse me.” She saluted. “Alliance intelligence.”

“Obviously, you are wearing an Alliance uniform.” I said.

She either didn’t hear me or ignored me. “There are people trying to kill you.” She was trying very hard to keep her voice down.

Joker and I shared a look. Was she being serious? 

“Yeah, I think Shep’s aware of that.”

“Did you just call me ‘Shep’?”

“No, I don’t mean Cerberus and the Reapers! I mean, other people! New people! They’re…it’s…”

“I’d be concerned if someone wasn’t trying to kill me. It’d be weird. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

“Someone is hacking your account! Comm channels, personal records…They’re hunting you, specifically.” 

Joker looked worried. It wasn’t a fun joke anymore. 

“Big mistake.” I narrowed my eyes.

“Oh, man!” Joker leaned away. “There’s the angry face.”

I leaned forward. “From the top. What do you know?”

She opened her mouth to speak when the host did.

“Excuse me! You don’t have a reservation!”

We all looked. A group of men in armor and carrying guns forced their way in. I flinched when one punched the poor host.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.” I’m guessing the captain said. “Tonight’s performance is brought to you by random acts of violence.” And they started to shoot the ceiling. 

Awesome.

When the shots came in our direction, I grabbed Joker. “Get down.” And we dropped to the floor. I knocked the table over. It wouldn’t make the best cover, but it was better than nothing.

“Man, I love show business.” The merc captain laughed. “Spread out, boys! Find me Shepard!”

I saw Brooks hiding behind a divider “Stay there.” I ordered. “I’m coming.” I turned to my piolet. “Joker?”

“Ow.” He grabbed his side. “My pancreas.”

“I don’t think that’s where the pancreas is.”

A merc grabbed Brooks by the arm and yanks her from her hiding spot. “Got one, sir!” He dragged her back.

Damnit! 

I needed a distraction…

“Joker, find the crew! I’m going after her!”

Why did I leave my gun behind? The one time I don’t have my M-16.

Joker got to his feet. “Find the crew. Got it!”

This was going to be hilarious. 

As Joker was making his way towards the door, one of the mercs saw him. He pointed his gun and I made my move. I popped up from behind the table, grabbed him, flipped him over the table, and stabbed him good with my Omni-tool. I took his gun. It felt good to have a gun in my hands again.

“You used me as bait?” Joker snapped. The look of disbelief was worth it.

I waved him away. “Go.” I had some shooting to do.

I could hear Joker grumbling as he made his escape. Something about the savior of the galaxy using brittle bone guy as bait. The big baby.

Brooks was on the other side of the restaurant and there was 5 mercs between us. 

“Brooks.” I shot a merc point blank in the head. “Stay down.” 

“Staying down.” She called back and then started to chant. ‘Don’t shoot me’. 

I slid to her side. “You’ll be fine.” I helped her to her feet. 

Brooks must have noticed the red beam seconds before I did because she reacted first and shoved me. I landed on the glass fish tank. “Brooks?” I sat up finding her on the ground.

The culprit now turned his attention towards me. He took several shot at me, missing every single one, breaking the glass.

Oh fuck.


	2. It's not my gun, but it'll do.

I dropped through and crashed into a large light fixture or was it a sign? I managed to grab some kind of hold. Of course, that decides to break. I drop again. After some painful rolling, I snagged a side paneling that almost popped off. Finally, I was safe…until the broken light fixture smashed into the paneling and me. More painful rolling before I finally came to a stop.

I managed to roll onto my hands and knees groaning. “Why?” I was in pain and wet. “My ribs.” I was starting to sound like Joker. At least my gun fell with me.

I grabbed my gun and staggered to my feet. 

“Commander.” Was that Brooks? “I found a secure terminal. Are you okay down there?”

“Yup.” I rolled my shoulders. “Feeling good.” I could grumble about my aches and pains later. Once someone wasn’t trying to kill me…on the Citadel. “Brooks, you got hit.”

“I know!” She sounded awfully excited. “I used medi gel. A lot of it. Um all of it, actually. And now everything is a little bouncy.” 

To the left was a dead end and to my right, platforms I could use to jump across and climb down further. Jumping it is.

“I think.” I lept across. “You used too much.” I hopped down ono a beam and slid down the ladder to another platform.

“So, can I help with...anything?”

“Alert C-Sec.” I lept across to another platform. “I’ll look for a way out.” 

Improvising. It’s what I do best. And shoot things.

There was a ladder leading down here too. Convenient. Oh and another ladder. I must have landed on some kind of construction site. 

“Brooks, I see some skycars across the gap. Maybe a landing pad.”

“I’m checking the area. Transportation, no. Food, no. Laundry…aha! It’s a skycar lot. Cison Motors.

As far down as I could go, I turned to find, aww, some kind of freezer with lots of fish. “Get a shuttle over there. I’ll find a way across.”

“Okay, right.”

I walked in feeling the nice ice cold air.

There was a salarian just chill’en, no pun intended, further in. “Hey.” He said when he noticed me.

“Hey.” I said back. Just act like I belong here.

“So, um, it turns out C-Sec has the whole area locked down.”

I found a door. With my crazy luck, it was going to be locked or a bad direction to go.

“It’s going to be a tiny bit tricky to get you a shuttle.”

The salarian pointed to a ladder. “Less likely to run into anyone.”

“Thanks.” 

Could I trust him? No idea, but seeing how he did nothing when I came in, I figured I was safe-ish.

So, I started to climb that cold ass ladder. 

“Oh, also, stay off your comm.” 

Did I just climb up into some kind of rafters? Or am I on top of a building?

“Well, except for me. It’s hacked. That’s probably how they found you.”

What was that long line for? Ah, that was the sushi place I just broke. I’m back where I started just on the outside. 

“Who were those guys?” Apparently nobody noticed me jumping from roof top to roof top.

“I don’t know but they really don’t seem to like you.”

“Yeah, I’m sensing that.”

And then I heard them.

“The advance team screwed it up!” The mercs were right below me.

“Shepard was unarmed. Man, those guys are idiots.”

Or I’m just that badass. 

Oh look, another ladder. I grabbed on and slid down.

“Shepard’s here!” 

Time to do my other specialty. 

“Shepard?” That voice in my ear sounded oddly familiar…Mordin! “Do you copy? Everything alright?”

“I’m fine. Might need a little backup.” Or a lot.

“Ran into Joker. Explained everything. Should be in your location soon.”

“Excuse me, who is this?” Brooks snapped. 

I sprinted down the hall. Heh, that sign said ‘Fresh Meat’ and I just killed a few guys in front of it. I’ll have to laugh about it later.

“You’re on an unsecured channel, and you’re putting Commander Shepard in danger!”

I almost ran smack dab into a merc. I was able to shoot him before that happened.

“Danger? More problematic.” 

“Hang on.” I grabbed a grenade off a dead merc and threw it. 

BOOM!

“Joker mentioned Staff Analysist Brooks, yes? That’s her.” I stood up, took a couple well aimed shots, and ducked back down. “Everyone play nice. I don’t want any arguing while I’m getting shot at.”

I ducked behind cover just as two mercs took shots at me.

“Commander.” That sounded like EDI. “Jeff told me what happened. The crew is headed your way.”

“Good to hear. Things are a little dicey.” Good thing this little gun packs a giant punch.

“I will attempt to register surprise.”

With the coast clear, I continued.

Ah, a door…a locked door.

“Brooks! Found a way across. It’s locked down.”

“Right, because of the, uh, lockdown. Can you get through?”

“I’ll try to override it.” Man, I wish Tali or EDI was with me. Wait, Spectre status. Rules don’t apply to me.

The door opened and I sprinted through.

“Shepard’s down there!” A merc yelled. “Open fire!”

“Damnit.” I hid behind a lighted sign. Might not be the best place to hide. 

“Commander!” Brooks cried.

“Shepard!” It’s was Mordin again. “Refrain from being destructive. Could hear that from here.”

I shot two more. “It’s all under control.”

“I’m detecting multiple alarms across the Wards. What’s the situation?” There’s EDI.

A tossed a grenade and rolled back. “Thought I’d make things more interesting.” 

More guys dropped in. One poor bastard didn’t even get to land before I killed him.

“I see. Did you sustain cranial damage in the fall, Commander?” EDI again.

I reloaded. “No blood no damage.” 

“Shepard, received NavPoint from Brooks. Will be waiting.” Mordin informed me.

“Good.”

“Mercenaries. Do we have data?”

“They have guns and don’t like me?” I ran into the Kon Junction building for cover.

“Unhelpful.”

“Disagree.” Killed a couple more guys.

“Commander, it would be really great if you could stay off the comm.” Brooks sounded kind of annoyed.

“Hey, they called me.” I hurried to the next building.

More mercs were on the way. “Can’t believe Shepard got past the walkway.”

“Commander! There’s a C-Sec shuttle inbound if you can get to the skycar lot.”

“Understood.” A merc got too close and got an Omni-tool to the face for his troubles.

“Okay! Brooks over! No, out. Brooks out! Over and out? Brooks. Oh, damn it!”


	3. Salarian Savior

I darted through another door. Two mercs were shooting in the opposite direction of me. They were shooting at…Mordin!

Mordin took down the two mercs. with beautiful precision. Was I just rescued by a salarian? A hot salarian.

“Shepard.” He nodded in my direction. “An unfortunate day?”

“You could say that.” I shrugged. “And I’m guessing it’s not over yet.”

“Landing pad.” He pointed. “Gate. Locked.”

“Let’s look for a control panel.” Nothing can ever be easy.

“Might I point out, appearance, pleasing to the eye.”

I gave him a curious look. Had I heard that right?

Mordin reloaded his gun. “Heard you dropped through a fish tank floor."

“We’ll talk about it later.”

“Shame. Sushi delicious.

“We’ll talk about it later.” I stressed then paused. “Do you even eat sushi? Wait, what do you eat?”

I swear he smiled as he gestured to a door. “Control panel.”

It was locked too. I raised my gun. “Stand back.”

Mordin pushed it down. “Better idea.” He tapped on the glass. “Greetings. The gate. Please open.” 

Who was he, oh, there was a volus inside.

The volus barley moved and the door to the lot opened.

“Much appreciated.” Mordin looked to me, nodded, and started walking away.

I scowled. “Well, I could have done that.”

As soon as we stepped on the landing pad, a C-Sec shuttle appeared carrying mercs and big guns.

I tackled Mordin and we fell behind, something, it was cover, that’s all I knew. That and we were pinned. 

“Damn it.” I cursed. My pistol wasn’t going to be able to stop that.

Mordin tapped on my arm and pointed up. I looked.

The glass cracked and Wrex jumped out with a ‘raaaw’. He landed hard on the shuttle causing it to crash onto the landing pad. He lept down and charged. I couldn’t really see what was going on, but the cries of pain were enough for my imagination. 

I left the cover. “Wrex, what are you doing here?”

The krogan knelt by one of the mercs and rolled him over. “Ah, just butting heads with the Council over krogan expansion.”

“Metaphorically?” Mordin stood beside me.

“Maybe.” Wrex tossed me a larger gun.

Before we could banter more, something behind us exploded. We all ducked. More mercs rushed in.

“Shepard, we got a way out of here?” Wrex asked running to meet the enemy.

“Wrex, I’m a professional.”

“That’s not a yes.”

“It’s not a no.”

Wrex gave me a look that screamed ‘if you weren’t so far away, I’d punch you’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's more to this part in the game, but it's mostly a large shoot out and your romance doesn't talk much, so I figured I could skip it. The next chapter will start with them in Shepard's new apartment.


	4. What now?

As soon as we were in my apartment, Wrex asked. “Someone want to tell me what’s going on here.”

“Mercenaries. Heavily armed. Using C-Sec shuttles. Identity, unknown.” Mordin added.

“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I’ve never seen them before.”

“I can’t believe you survived all that.” Brooks started to pace. “They had guns! And grenades! And those drone things!”

“It’s all right. I’m calling Commander Bailey; see what’s going on with C-Sec.” I activated my omni-tool.

“Okay, that sounds…Wait!” Brooks’ voice got loud. “Wouldn’t that just make whoever you contact a target, too?”

Mordin nodded. “Correct. Too many unknowns. Dangerous. Less involved the better.”

“Okay. For now, we run this ourselves.” 

“Right. Ourselves. On our own.” Brooks waved her arm in a wide ark. “Outside the law. Okay. Yeah.”

“Brooks, it’s okay. I know this is a lot to deal with.” And I’m reminded why I try not to deal with civilians. 

“I got shot! I’ve got medi-gel, but still. I took a desk job explicitly to not get shot!” 

“The salarian’s a doctor.” Wrex said. “And look at his face.”

“Prefer ‘scientist’.” The face comment completely ignored. 

“Have you seen Garrus’?” I added. “He gives you a run for your money, Wrex.”

“And you killed a hundred guys.” Brooks spoke loudly to get our attention back. “With a pistol!”

“Well, yes, that did happen…” And it was epic.

“I mean, who does that?” She started pacing again. “Well, you, I guess. But besides you?” Both Mordin and Wrex raised their hands. “They said the medi-gel might make me jumpy. Do I seem jumpy?”

“If you were a salarian you’d fit right in.” Wrex said. 

Mordin just shrugged.

“How did you get mixed up in this?” I asked.

“I monitor data for Alliance intel to prevent fraud and hacking of officer IDs. Like someone using an admiral’s pass to get into a nightclub on the Citadel when that admiral is fighting on Tuchanka?”

“What’s he doing on Tuchanka?” Wrex asked with a bit of hostility.

“Hypothetical.” Mordin told him. “Not really on Tuchanka.”

“I know that.” Wrex snapped at him. “But why Tuchanka?”

“Would the peanut gallery please shut up.” I crossed my arms.

“Peanut gallery?” Mordin cocked his head. “I possess no peanuts.” 

“I could go for some peanuts. That’s the little Earth food in a shell right?”

Brooks continued talking as if she hadn’t even heard them. Must have been the medi-gel. “I wrote a tracking program. It’s really neat. I named it ‘Mr. Biscuits’ after my cat.”

My life is one giant comedy routine and the worst part is, nobody was doing it on purpose. 

“Anyway, Mr. Bis…my program detected a breach in your classified files. Soon, everything we had on you was compromised: personnel files, mission reports, everything.”

“Since when does hacking personnel records involve heavy weapon fire?” Wrex asked what we were all thinking.

“Think of what criminals could do if they had Shepard’s military access codes. Or Spectre codes, even.”

“Explains why they need you dead, Shepard. Nothing to stop them until the damage is done.” Wrex nodded as if he approved. 

“Okay, let’s figure out who they are and shut them down.” I looked to each one of them. “Ideas?”

“Maybe.” Mordin took on his thinking pose. “The pistol.”

We all looked to the pistol I still carried. I kind of liked it. It wasn’t my M-16, but it’d make a great backup.

“For such a tiny thing, it packs a punch.” Wrex leaned in to get a better look and I swear he sniffed it. “Never seen anything like it before.”

“Let me see it. I might be able to help.” Liara joined our circle. “Glyph.”

The blue ball of annoyance appeared. “I’ll be collating relevant intel for review, Dr. T’soni.”

“Liara.” I greeted with a nodded.

“Shepard, I’m relieved to see you’re in one piece. A shame about the sushi place, though. It was a favorite.”

“How, how did you get in here?” 

“The front door, obviously.”

“I thought I locked that thing. What is it with my private quarters never locking? How did you even know this was my apartment? I just got it a few hours ago.”

Liara cocked an eyebrow as if to say ‘I’m the Shadow Broker. I know everything’.

“Well, you can try, but I should warn you. I haven’t found anything yet, and I’ve been digging pretty deep.”

I stared at Brooks. When did she have time to do any digging?

“I’m sure you have.” There was a sly smirk on Liara’s face. “Glyph.” She walked away with Glyph by her side.

“All right, Liara’s on point. What about the rest of the crew?” 

“Yeah.” Joker entered my apartment. “What about those slackers?”

“Joker. You’ve been busy.” I walked up to him. “And you’re the biggest slacker by the way.”

“Oo, ouch Commander and here I found some folks who actually like being shot at for you.”

The rest of my crew appeared like something out of a cheesy action film.

“Permission to come abored, Shepard.” EDI put a hand on her hip and posed dramatically. I really needed to tell Joker to stop teaching her things.

 

Mordin was examining the glass divider, stepped back and nodded.

“What’s wrong?” I asked standing beside him.

“Fish.” He motioned to the wall. “Ideal place for large fish tank.”

“You really liked the fish in my cabin, didn’t you?”

“Fascinating creatures. Simple creatures.”

We stood side by side in silence. We listened to the sound of the low conversations of the others.

“Not that I don’t appreciate your help.” I finally said. “But what are you doing on the Citadel? I thought you were helping with the Crucible.”

“Was.” Mordin nodded. “Made lots of progress. Received message from Eve. Asked to keep an eye on Wrex.”

I stared at him. “Eve thinks you can keep Wrex in check?”

“Doubtful. Keep Wrex out of too much trouble.”

“And yet Wrex took down a shuttle and helped us shoot a bunch of mercs.”

“Assisting you took precedence.”

I felt myself flush. He didn’t mean it in the way I wanted, but still. It made me happy. “Thanks.”

“Happy to help. Felt like old days.”

“If you’d stayed with me, you wouldn’t be calling it ‘old days’.”

Mordin just shook his head.

I almost reached out to touch him, but clutched my pant leg instead. 

“Shepard!” Liara’s voice called out. “I have something.”

All of us gathered around the large table in the back.

“We have a lead.” Liara told us. “I called in some favors to run a trace on the gun. It led me to a casino owner named Elijah Khan. He’s been suspected of using his profits to smuggle weapons into the Citadel. Immediately after the attempt on Shepard’s life, Khan made an interesting call.”

Khan-I’m cutting you off. I’m returning your down payment now.

? Person-What’s the problem?

Khan-Turn on a vidscreen! When I sell a gun, I don’t want it showing up on the nightly news!

? Person-You won’t be linked to me.

Khan-Save it. Our association is terminated. And if you even think of coming after me, I’ve got info on you ready for prime time, so you ponder that. Khan out.

I crossed my arms. “So, that’s out identity thief.”

“Looks like he’s got an ID disguiser.” Garrus shook his head. “Those things are a pain in the ass to get around.”

“Did you get anything on the mercenaries who attacked us?” I asked.

Liara nodded. “They’re a private military corporation called CAT6. As most of you know, CAT6 is an Alliance nicknamed for dishonorable discharges. Many have criminal records, histories of steroid abuse, and other charming features.” 

“Essentially Vega then.”

“Very funny Commander.” 

“No doubt hired by the thief, not by Khan.” Liara ignored our banter.

“That phone call was pretty damning stuff. How’d you get it?” I was impressed. 

“It involved the weapon’s biometric data, salarian intelligence, and a hanar prostitute with camera implants.” 

“Seriously?” I want to see a hanar prostitute. 

“No, but the truth is boring.”

And now I’m disappointed.

“Khan didn’t sound friendly to whoever that voice was.” I pointed out. “Maybe he’d pass on that info to us.”

Mordin spoke up. “Require lots of tack. Silver tongue. Khan sees you, conclude you’re vengeful.”

“I don’t look like the revenge type, do I?” I asked the group.

Everyone nodded in sink. 

“Anyway, the casino has a panic room. Chances are he’ll have gone to something there.” Liara gestured to EDI. “EDI can give us programs to hack the door, but the cameras and guards complicate things.”

“Yeah. Khan could disappear or worse. If his guards ever open fire, normal people could get hit.” Brooks touched her shoulder. “Like I did.”

You get someone shot once and you never hear the end of it. 

Though I did have to agree. “She’s right. We can’t risk spooking him. We go in quiet, small team. No gunplay.” It broke my heart to say that last part. 

Glyph popped back up. “Dr. T’soni, this evening the casino will be hosting a charity even to assist war refugees.”

And there was our way in.

“Purchase some tickets, Glyph, then call up a layout of the building.”

“Score. So how close can you get?” Joker looked to excited for someone that wasn’t going to do any of the fun stuff. “You don’t usually put a back door in a panic room.”

“This air shaft bypasses the security gate and ends up in storage.” EDI pointed as she spoke. “From there, the panic room’s door camera can be disabled.”

“A casino.” Mordin tapped his cheek. “Alarms bound to be in shaft.”

“I believe I have some countermeasures that may help.” Liara moved her hand and the building blueprint rotated. “I’ll know more once we’re inside.”

“Who will go in the shaft?” Javik asked. “They need to be small in size.”

“Yeah, that’s not me.” Wrex patted his belly. “Too many snacks of roast varren leg.”

“I suspect my suit’s built in tech would be picked up by security sensors.” Tali looked herself over.

“My presence in the casino would arouse suspicion. Mechs are not allowed since they can have cheating software.” If EDI could look offended, I’m sure she would be. 

Mordin was small enough and could easily do the tech stuff, but I wasn’t going to point that out.

“What you need is somebody trained in zero-mission tech.” Brooks added. “No electronics, no metal. Just undetectable polymers. We had a course back at Op-Int, disabling a bomb with these little tweezers. See, the bomb was filled with shaving cream…”

I cut her off before she could go off. “All right. You’re in.”

“What?” Brooks took a step back. “No. What?”

“You said it yourself. We’ve all got too much tech.”

“But…I managed to get shot just coming to talk to you!” And she brought it up again. “Now I’m supposed to hack my way into a safe room?”

“We’ll be backing you up.” I assured her. “The second you hit something you can’t handle, we’ll cover you.”

“If that’s settled, it looks like there’s one last hurdle to get us inside.” Liara waved her hand and the blueprint vanished.

“Which is?” I asked cocking an eyebrow.

“Black tie required.”


	5. Casino 'date'

Black tie? That’d be a problem. I only had the one outfit and it was all torn up from falling through a fish tank and being shot at. Bullets tend to be murder on clothes. 

Liara assured me she’d find something suitable for me. Mordin and Brooks needed formal wear too. “Don’t worry. I’ll find you something that goes with Mordin’s.” Liara had said in a loud whisper. At the time, Mordin had been too busy reasuring Brooks that the medi-gel was indeed working and the bullet wound was only noticeable if someone looked at her shoulder. Someone really should help Mordin work on his bedside manner.

Cortez dropped the three of us off at Khan’s Casino. Was that seriously a red carpet? What was this? Old school Hollywood? 

“Shepard.” Mordin stood to the right of me.

Damn!

This was my first good look at Mordin and, he always looked good, to me at least, but in civilian dress clothes? Just, damn! I hoped I wouldn’t start drooling. I needed to remember to thank Liara later. The dark blue really made his red skin pop. 

Brooks, to my left, was in a light blue dress. I wasn’t going to tell Brooks that dress made her upper arms and ass look fat, but the rest of her looked good in it.

I was in dark blue, a shade barley different from Mordin’s with a light blue trim to match Brooks’.

“Social norm dictates that I complement your attire.” Mordin looked me over. “It is fitting.”

Brooks looked mortified. “You’re supposed to say ‘looking good, Commander’.”

“I see. Looking good, Commander.”

“I hate you both.” I hooked my arms around theirs. Eye candy on both sides. “Now? Not so much.”

One of the guests gave me a strange look.

“What?” I said with a smirk. “I like mine soft and squishy.” 

The guest hurried off.

“Not appropriate.” Brooks’ face was beat red.

“Your logic is faulty. Salarians are neither soft or squishy.” Mordin informed me. 

“Way to ruin my fun.” I grumbled dropping both arms.

“I’ll get to the ventilation shaft. Wish me luck.” Brooks hurried up the stairs.

“Liara, you have any input?” I asked as Mordin and I climbed the stairs.

“I’m here, Shepard. EDI and I will keep in contact in case we’re needed. Khan has a lot of surveillance set up. I’d mingle with the guests if you want to look normal.”

“When do I never look normal?” Pause. “Okay, Mordin. Time to meet the riff-raff.”

A woman cheerfully approached us. “Hi, Elspeth Murrain. I’m running for Zakera Ward City Council. Are you a citizen here?”

“I’ve…had bad experience with politicians.” Like killing the original council or Udina trying to kill me. Oh and the Delatchress trying to talk me into sabotaging the genophage cure. Yeah, bad experiences.

“Who hasn’t? That’s why I’m running. I got sick of leads with ties to Terra Firma or Cerberus or worse.”

“Were we not Cerberus ourselves?” Mordin whispered. 

“Shh.”

“The ward needs refugee facilities. It needs security, it needs jobs, it needs everything and hopefully with a friend like Elijah Khan backing me, I can make it happen.”

“Ironic.”

“Mordin.”

“Commander, I’m upstairs by the gate leading to the shaft. But there’s a problem. Can you meet me?” Brooks’ voice came in my ear.

Mordin and I calmly went up the curved stair case.

“Okay, right. Just like we thought. There’s an alarm on the grate.” Brooks gestured to the grate.

“We’ll have to bypass it.”

“Dr. T’Soni gave me this to pass to you.” Brooks handed me something. “It’s a resonance emitter lens. It should let you see security grids and wiring.”

“Convenient.” Mordin nodded his approval. 

I put the lens in. Mordin furrowed his brow. “Eyes. Unnatural. Noticeable.” 

“I’m not the only person with creepy looking eyes.” I said a little defensively. “Anyway, I’ll follow the wiring to a junction box, splice it, and disable the alarm.”

“Yeah, fingers crossed!” Brooks held up her crossed fingers.

Seeing the weird blue lines was just...it was like staring into a light. I just knew I’d still see the lines once the lens was gone. “The lens is working.”

Liara: “Follow the blue wiring. In case it needs to be said, don’t try to bypass a camera while you’re being watched.”

I did as she said, Mordin keeping his eyes peeled so nobody bothered us and I didn’t accidently run into anyone. “I see a junction in the wall, but there’s a camera watching it.”

Liara: “Shepard, I’m sending a hack to your omni-tool. It will fool the camera, but it’ll self-delete after a few seconds.”

“Why, Liara, is that all the amazing Shadow Broker can do?”

Liara: “Be careful, Shepard, I know more about you than you do.”

“I don’t doubt it.” I hacked the camera and inserted the splice. “The splice is in.”

Brooks: “Good. I’ve got the grate open, and…in we go! Act casual. This could take a while.”

“This isn’t my first rodeo, Brooks.” Mordin and I walked back down the stairs.

“Rodeo?” Mordin gave me a weird look.

“It’s an old human saying.” I waved my hand lazily. “Let’s mingle.”

“Dance?” Mordin gestured to the dance floor. There was the closest thing to a playful smirk a salarian could have on his face.

I glared half-heartedly. “Just for that, you have to be seen dancing with me.”

Brooks: “Commander!”

“What? Another problem already?”

Brooks: “There’s a guard right below me.”

“Don’t panic. We’ll get his attention.” I assured her.

“Guard.” Mordin approached him and I leaned against the wall behind the guard. “Men’s room. Someone partaking in drugs.”

“I see. Were you able to identify the substance used?”

“Red sand.”

The guard pulled up his omni-tool. “Dispatch, we’ve got a sand-tripper in the bathrooms.”

“Have they tried to compromise the games biotically?”

“Unknown at this time. Moving to confront, send backup. We’re taking care of it, sir. Appreciate the help.” The guard hurried off.

“You’re clear Brooks.” I said.

Brooks: “Thanks, Commander. I’ll see if I can get to the panic room.”

“And I’ll get back to blending in.” I wanted to offer my arm to Mordin, but I knew he wouldn’t take it. “Mordin, what do you think’ll happen when the guard finds out there’s no drugy in the bathroom?”

He smiled. “I didn’t lie. Gave desperate man ‘red sand’.” He air quoted.

I knew I loved him for a reason.

We approached the bar.

“What are you having?” The human bartender asked.

“Nothing too crazy. I want to be able to walk a straight line.”

“Thessian Temple coming up.”

“Are asari drinks usually mild?”

“Not all of them. Mr. Khan had us put out some gelatin shots earlier. Also asari, but they kick like a shotgun.”

Mordin shrugged. “Better than krogan drinks, right Shepard?” 

I knew Mordin was referring to the time I drank krogan liquor and woke up on the bathroom floor. You do it once and nobody ever lets you forget it.

“Um.” Brooks sounded hesitant.

“Talk to me, Brooks.”

“I’ve got a pressure pad and an obstruction detector ahead. I can’t disable them from here.”

“Okay. EDI, I need a tech solution. Brooks, stay put, we’ll find some junctions and take down the sensors.”

Liara: “Follow the red wiring.”

Following this led me to the roulette wheels. “It’s in plain view of two guards.”

Brooks: “But…you can do something, right? Because my legs are maybe sort of starting to fall asleep a little.”

“Hang in there. We’ve got this.” I looked to Mordin. “As soon as that guard starts back tracking his route, strike up a conversation with the other one.”

“Affirmative.” Mordin walked up to the guard.

“No flesh eating viruses.” I hissed. “And no sex advice.”

I waited for Mordin.

“Pardon me.” He spoke to the guard causing the guard to have his back to me. “How many spleens does a human possess?”

“Ah…1?”

“Why ask me? I asked you.”

Well, that was one way to distract the guard.

“Okay.” I nodded to myself slowly. “I think I’ve disabled it.”

Brooks: “Testing the obstruction detector…and I think we’re okay.”

Now for the pressure pad.

“There’s a camera and a guard.” I understand the need for all the guards and cameras, but crap! Everybody has to make my life harder whether they realize it or not.

Liara: “I have another hack for you.”

“I shall distract the guard again.” Mordin made his way towards the guard.

Brooks: “I’ll just be here…trying not to cough.”

“Human sir, I’m curious about the art of human flirting. Perhaps you can explain or better yet demonstrate it for me?” 

The second I heard Mordin, I went to work.

“Done.” I informed Brooks. Mordin hurried back to my side. 

Brooks: “I’m at the storage room grate. Time to hit the lock.”

“Be careful, Brooks.” I turned to Mordin. “Human flirting?”

He shrugged. “Humans find conversations concerning most anything sexual uncomfortable. Discomfort is best exploited.”

There was some loud screeching sound.

Brooks: “Oh, son of a…Hey, Commander?”

“What? What happened?”

Brooks: “Infrared laser hooked up to a silent alarm. I didn’t get it in time!”

EDI: “Shepard, I’ll call the responding guard to say it was a false alarm, but you must stall him before he reaches Brooks.”

“Where is he?” I looked around.

“There.” Mordin pointed.

“Hey!” I shouted too loudly hurrying over.

“Just calm down. I’m trying to do three different things here.” He opened his omni-tool. “Barrows.”

“Sir, we checked out the alarm in storage. It’s nothing. Minor accident.” Someone needed to tell Joker his robo-girlfriend could sound like a dude.

“Find out who tripped it and get them in my office by the end of shift!” He closed his omni-tool. “Now, you. What did you need?”

“I’m sorry. Are you with security? I thought you were a friend of mine. You’ve got the same…suit.”

It was a good thing the guard couldn’t see Mordin’s face. He was almost laughing.

“You…enjoy your evening.”

“You’re clear Brooks.”

Brooks: “Thanks, Commander. I’ll see if I can get to the panic room.”

“Suit?” Mordin asked as soon as we were away from the guard.

“Shut up. He’ll just think I was drunk or something.”

“Are you?”

I ignored him slipping into a conversation.

“I love roulette.” A young girl said. “Every minute is more exciting than the next.”

“Statement, flawed. Very flawed.” Mordin informed her.

“Oh, are you like one of those detail people? Come on. Even diamonds have flaws, that doesn’t make them less valuable.”

I think I could feel my IQ dropping. “Miss, where exactly were you educated?”

“Oh, online. You can take these courses, and it teaches you responsibility, because you do the grading.”

I looked to the turian she was talking to. The poor guy clearly wanted to run. 

“Come on, Mordin, let’s go before your IQ drops too.”

“Not possible without head trauma.”

“Never mind.”

Luckily, or maybe not, I can never tell anymore, Brooks spoke up.

Brooks: “Okay, so now I think you just need to get to me. I’m on the other side of the security gate.”

“Right. Have you bypassed the camera back there?”

Brooks: “Well, I got myside. Yours is still on though. We need to finish this before someone comes by.”

“Hang tight. I’ll get to you.”

Liara: “Yellow wiring.”

Brooks: “I can’t get the security gate to open from here. The junction must be on your side. It might be tricy. Just so you know.”

Great, a big room, no cover, a few cameras and two guards.

“Have a little faith.” Lord knows I didn’t have any.

I waited for Mordin to speak to both guards. “Pardon me, human males, I require assistance.”

“Yeah?” One asked.

“At what age does a male start having erectile dysfunction? I wish to compare it to other species.”

Oh Mordin. 

The poor guards were so uncomfortable they stuttered over their words. I suppose as long as Mordin kept asking awkward sex questions, I had all the time in the world.

At least he wasn’t asking me. 

With the guards distracted, I easily hack the cameras and disabled all the alarms.

Brooks peeked around a door, saw me, and waved.

The three of us hurried into the panic room just before either guard saw us.

Khan was sitting in his chair facing away from the door.

“Khan, you and me are going to have a talk.” I used my most commanding voice. 

Mordin walked forward carefully and spun the chair around.

“What the hell?” Brooks grabbed my arm.

Khan’s head was slumped to his chest. There was no doubt, he was dead.

The doctor touched the dead body. “Still warm. Not dead long.”

Brooks went to the terminal. “Commander! There’s a deletion order on the terminal.”

“Damn it.” She moved so I could look.

“Everything’s been wiped. I don’t know if it was him, or the killer, or-When I tripped that alarm, did I screw this up?” Brooks tugged on my arm. 

I ‘shooed her away. “Mordin, can you look through this?”

“Can try.” He started scrolling.

“What are you looking for?” Brooks asked.

“Mistakes.” I told her watching the screen.

“Shepard?” Mordin pointed.

“I see it. Whoever it was had to do this fast. They wiped the terminal, but not the comm.”

“Oh. So we can take the comm back to the safe house to scan it, or…” Brooks started.

The screen behind us came to life. “Elijah. Come crawling back?” The image was blurry.

“Guess again.” I crossed my arms leaning my lower back on the desk. 

“You. I see you’ve recovered from flopping on the floor like a fish.”

“Like a Great White. The deadliest fish there is.” I scoffed. “You’ll have to do better than that. The last guy that trash-talked me was a few kilometers taller than you.” And I kicked his ass.

“Brave. I thought as much, but it won’t matter. You have nothing. All you can do is wait for the hammer to fall.”

“Why do this? What did I do to you? I’m pretty good at remembering who I pissed off.”

“I’m going to take everything you have and everything you are.”

The screen went black.

“Damn it!” Brooks smacked the desk. “Sorry, Commander. There wasn’t enough time to trace the call.”

“We’re not finished.” I growled. “Pull out the data drives.”

“The ones that got wiped? You think we can find something?”

“With EDI, anything’s possible. The sooner we get them to her, the sooner we can track down the threat.”

Mordin was already doing what I asked before Brooks could ask any more questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't be the only one that thinks those dresses the human girls wear is just awful.


	6. Now what...again

As soon as we came back to my apartment, I ripped off my dress shoes. Where the hell were my combat boots?

“Do, ah, people usually end up dead at parties you attend?” Brooks asked walking into the living room with me. 

“For Shepard? Party quite normal.” Mordin unhelpfully told her.

“Thanks, Mordin.” I mumbled to him then my voice went back to authoritive. “It wasn’t a total loss. Brooks, work with EDI to see if there’s anything useful on those drives.”

“Here’s hoping! I’ll let you know what we find, Commander.” Brooks hurried off with EDI. 

“Shepard?”

“Yes?”

“Have you got a minute to talk?”

I stared at him. I could see the hint of a smile. “Some other time. I’m working on flesh eating bacteria. Full concentration require.”

He grinned.

“You’re just full of surprises. That’s the second time you’ve made a joke.”

His face went serious. “In all serious. Khan. Assassin, able to break in before us. How?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t want to think about. That assassin had to be in the casino with us somewhere. If that’s the case….”

“Why not you?” Mordin finished.

I nodded. “It doesn’t make any sense. It’s clear someone wants me dead. There were plenty of chances to kill me when I was distracted by Brooks or when I was trying to by-pass security. They wouldn’t even have to make a scene. They could cloak themselves. Kasumi does it all the time.”  


We stood in silence listening to the others talking in the background.

“Perhaps.” Mordin tapped his lips. “Death must be kept hidden.”

“How do you figure? They tried to kill me at the restaurant. They chased me through the streets.” I paused. “But there was no one to see it but the mercs hired to kill me and those lose ends could easily tied up.”

Mordin nodded. “Exactly.” 

That was sobering. Somebody wanted me dead but wanted nobody to know I was dead. Just another Tuesday in the life of Commander Shepard. Or was today Wednesday? 

“I think we’ve got something, Commander.” Brooks shouted from the back of the apartment.

I called everyone to what had been dubbed ‘The War Table’.

“Commander, EDI and I have been analyzing those drives. I think we found something.” Brooks said once everyone was gathered.

“Let’s hear it.”

“Though the data’s root structure was erased, the logic integrity remains visible.” EDI explained.

“EDI has an incredible talent for this stuff.” Brooks gushed. “I know she’s an AI, but even still. We found an encrypted communication from a few days ago. Just need another minute to crack it.”

“A whole minute?” Joker asked in mock surprise. “EDI here could shave that down to five seconds.”

“I thought it best to allow Staff Analyst Brooks a change to improve her decryption skills.”

“And now you’ve lost your chance to show off.”

“Like she needs it.” Brooks and I both said. 

“You’re the crew of the Normandy. You’re legends to the rest of the Alliance.” At least Brooks wasn’t fangirling at me.

“Legends can be good or bad.” I leaned on the table. “Which are we?”

“You’re the kind that people look up to. The kind they owe their lives to.”

“Then how come everyone’s always shooting at us?” Wrex grumbled loudly. 

“I think it’s mostly you, Wrex. The bigger the target, the bigger the…uh.” Tali struggled. “Target.”

“You’re saying I’ve gained weight?”

“Too many meals of roasted varren.” Mordin reminded him.

“It just means there’s more of the legend to love.” Liara added.

Wrex didn’t seem any happier about that.

“And the camaraderie, the friendship? I think that’s your secret weapon.” I was waiting for Brooks to start asking for autographs.

“It’s all just part of the job.” I said. I couldn’t help but wonder if anyone else noticed Brooks was acting different. She wasn’t so excited about us before the casino. Perhaps I was just being overly paranoid. Again. 

“Wait…’job’? You mean the rest of you are getting paid for this?” Garrus looked at everyone.

“What’s wrong, Archangel? I thought you did this for fun.” I teased giving him a gentle punch to the arm.

“Here we go.” Brooks finished cracking the encryption. “Wow. Those mercs who were after you? They bought a lot of weapons. Like, big ones.”

The table before us came to life with diagrams of several different deadly weapons and was that a…

“Mechs?” Mordin peered closer. “Such firepower. Possible human militia? No. Indoctored humans? Could be sent by Reapers to eliminate Shepard. Why all the secrecy? Pointless at this point. No. Rogue Cerberus members? Probable theory. Why attack Shepard? Too much of an alien sympathizer?”

“Mordin.” My stern voice stopped him. “We’ll figure this out. No need to stand around guessing.”

Glyph flew in between us.

“It appears this drone is preparing to rebel.” I saw Javik place a hand on his gun and Liara pull his hand away. I was waiting for her to bop him on the nose and call him a ‘bad boy’.

“I have just monitored the commander’s Spectre access code in use at the Citadel Archives.”

“Punch it up.”

The image on the table changed.

“The archives are going into emergency lockdown. Whoever’s hacking your records is there right now!” Brooks exclaimed.

“What do we know about the place?” I asked Garrus. He was the ex-C-Sec guy.

“Council keeps sensitive historical information there. Real hush-hush.” Garrus explained. “Even my old C-Sec clearance never got me in.”

“Then we’ll find our own way in.” I turned to leave. “Gear up and lets.” I stopped when I saw the volus holding a pizza box in front of me.

“What’s with the volus?” I turned back to my team.

“Oh. Pizza delivery guy. I go the munchies.” Vega admitted.

Cortez, who was standing beside him, just shook his head.

“Double.” Breath. “Pepperoni.” 

Okay, that sounded kind of good. “Should have ordered a dozen. I’m starved too.”

“These archives are huge.” Brooks raised her voice to return our attention. “You’ll have a lot of ground to cover. Shame you can’t bring everyone.”

“Who says we can’t?” I smirked. “All hands on deck for this one.”

“Hell, yeah.” Vega was pumped. “But, uh, who gets to take point with you?”

Almost in sink, everyone stood more erect.

“Mordin and Wrex.” They’d done good so far, why mess with perfection? And well, I was kind of nostalgic for the old days.

“Ahem.” Breath. “Who’s going.” Breath. “To pay the bill?” The volus asked.


	7. Twin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a little trickier to do since, you know, all the gun fights. I had to take a lot out to make it semi-work. It also get's more silly and random. But, hey, we get to meet Clone Shepard finally.

“I can’t believe you shoved that whole slice of pizza in your mouth.” Brooks stared slacked jawed at me.

“I rolled it first. Like a pizza burrito. That’s how you eat pizza on the go.” I informed her. I was pretty sure Vega had gotten some inappropriate thoughts. “What’s the best way into the archives?”

“The facility is located below the Wards.” Brooks activated her omni-tool to show me. “Maybe a direct breach for maximum surprise?”

I clapped her on the shoulder. “I like it. Sounds like you’re learning the ropes.”

“Hell, hang out with us long enough, and you’ll learn ropes, knives, bombs, threasher maws.” Cortez listed off.

“But don’t hang out too long.” Wrex warned. “Or pretty soon you’ll be making friends with salarians.”

“Within hearing distance.” Mordin didn’t bother to look up from checking his gun.

The shuttles landed and we climbed out of the shuttles.

“The archives are somewhere below us.” Brooks pointed down as if it wasn’t obvious. “It could be pretty tricky to get in there.”

“Not really.” Vega showed us a smallish explosive device. 

Mordin nodded approvingly. “Direct approach. Simple can be most effective.”

“Don’t give him too much credit.” Cortez informed him. “Mr. Vega just wants to blow something up.”

“Hey, Estabon.” Vega set the device. “Shut up.”

As soon as it blew, Wrex jumped down. “Krogan first! See you at the party, princesses!”

I sighed gesturing to Mordin. “After you.”

We split into three groups. It didn’t take long before several red beams were aimed at everyone’s chests. “Not this again.” I groaned.

*******************  
“That’s enough!” That voice sounded awfully familiar. “Drop your weapons, or this won’t end well for her.”

Standing on the opposite stairs, a shadowy figure held Brooks.

“You.” She tried to say, but the figure squeezed her neck harder.

“All right…” We had no choice. “Everyone, do it.”

Once we complied, whoever it was shoved Brooks down.

“Whatever you think you’re getting away with…there’s nowhere you can run, nowhere you can hide where we can’t find you.” I snapped. Brooks scrambled to her feet and hurried to hide behind me.

“Hide? Why?” The figure asked stepping forward. “I’m Commander Shepard. I never hide.”

Holy shit.

“Uh-huh. So that’s how it’s going to be.” The way Wrex said it, you’d think this was a normal occurrence to him.

The other Shepard overly dramatically jumped down and walked towards my group. 

“Who are you?” It was creepy, staring at myself and yet not.

“You weren’t the only Shepard that Cerberus brought back to life, but at least one of us will finally do something with it.”

“Pretty sure I’ve been doing plenty with my life and where the hell did you come from?”

“The same DNA as you.”

“I have a long lost twin?”

“Clone.” Mordin corrected.

“Oh, that’s less fun.”

“Cerberus spared no expense resurrecting you. With me…I was created for spare parts in case you needed another arm, or a heart, or a lung.”

I wouldn’t mind having 2 hearts. I’d be hard to kill. Well, harder. Plus, I could be a krogan.

“Where have you been this whole time?” You’d think someone would have mentioned seeing another Shepard running around and why the hell didn’t Miranda say anything? Freaking secretive Cerberus princess.

“In a coma…until I woke up six months ago. While you were in a jail cell on Earth, I was learning to be human.”

“Oh, you mean the jail cell I was put in after defeating all those Collectors? That time frame?” 

“Amazing what a person can do with enough neural implants.” Was the other Shepard ignoring me?

“If you’re really me, then we’re on the same team.” If there were two Shepard running around, I could get twice the work done.

“We’re not even in the same league.”

Ouch.

“Did the Illusive Man send you?” 

“No. He abandoned me when he had what he wanted.” They gestured to me with their head. “You.” 

“Might as well go with the original.” I said with a bored shrug. “A replica can’t compete.”

“Purpose behind assassination attempts?” Mordin asked

They glared at Mordin for a second before turning away. “Because I don’t have the same memories. I’d never fool my supposed friends… The ones who abandoned their duty to join the cult of Shepard.”

“I have a cult?” I should probably be taking this more seriously. 

“Like you, Doctor Solus.” They turned back to face the salarian. “Curing the genophage? That was your biggest mistake.”

I could see Mordin clench his fists in the corner of my eye. “You. Pale in comparison to the real Shepard.”

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from hanging around Mordin and a bunch of other salarians, is, as weak as they seem, don’t piss one off. I’d rather fight a krogan because at least then he’d stab me in the face and not the back.

“I’m the real thing perfected. I’m you without the wear and tear. The doubts, the failures. I’m the lone wolf you were always meant to be…” They looked to my people on the catwalk. “Without the emotional baggage holding me back.”

“Lone wolves don’t get shit done.” I snapped. This THING! Crossed the line. My doubts and failures are what made me, me. All those that died to get me here deserved more respect. “That’s why there’s a whole pack of them.” I motioned to my comrades. 

“No one will ever believe you’re Shepard.” Wrex snarled.

“Personality too different.” Mordin added. 

“They will when I’m flying The Normandy.”

I touched my ear piece. “This is Shepard! Initiate Normandy lockdown! Transmitting command codes now!” I activated my omni-tool

The other Shepard activated theirs, waved their arm across, and smirked. “Good idea. Too bad the signal was blocked.”

I walked right into that one.

“Traynor, this is Shepard. Prep the Normandy for emergency departure. We’re leaving. I’m sending the command codes now.” Other me smirked in a very evil manor. I didn’t even know my face could make that face.

Traynor: “Acknowledge. We’ll get underway.”

“Never thought I’d say it, but I’m looking forward to killing myself.” I pointed at them. “You’re Shepard B.” I told it. Yes, ‘it’, because I refuse to call it anything else. “And you’re no match for the real deal.” I pointed to myself. “Shepard A.”

It chuckled. “I guess ominous threats of violence run in our DNA, but mine is more than a threat.” They turned away. “Execute them. The cult of Shepard ends today.”

I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t stop myself. “How is there a cult when my team failed to join it?”

Shepard B paused and thought it over. “Shut up.” And continued walked with two of the mercs.

Like hell I was going to die here. I looked down at my feet where I’d placed my pistol then up. I think I had it. I scooped my pistol up and fired at the large glass Citadel model. It broke into several pieces. As it dropped, I rolled back, grabbed my main gun, and hid behind a desk.

“We still got everyone?” I asked.

Tali: “We’re on the balcony!”

Brooks: “I’m okay, too.”

Oh, yeah, she was down here somewhere.

“And everyone else?”

Cortez: “Other side!”

Garrus: “Shepard, that’s another Citadel you’ve destroyed.”

“Hey, at least the council wasn’t on it this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me I'm not the only person that the whole cult thing made no sence to. I'm probably thinking too hard.


	8. Into the Archives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Team Mako is Liara, Tali, EDI, and Brooks while Team Hammerhead is Cortez, Vega, Javic, and Garrus. I didn't mean for it to be boy/girl, it just happened that way. Also, the girls are Team Mako because Brooks answered for them.

“Cleared.” Mordin reloaded his gun. “Where’s Shepard B?”

“It’s pushing into the archives. Stay in your groups!” I ordered going towards the door. “Team Mako, you’re on point!”

Brooks: “Right! What’s a Mako?”

The door finally opened up to a room

Liara: “Something we could use right now.”

Yeah, a Mako would be real nice right about now.

“Team Hammerhead, cover the flank!”

Cortez: “Got it! And the Mako’s got nothing on the Hammerhead.”

“Considering Shepard can’t drive either, they’re both terrible.” I couldn’t see it, but I knew Wrex shivered. 

“Like you could have driven any better.” I grumbled.

Garrus: “I have to agree with Wrex on this one. You were so bad, you managed to make a krogan throw up.”

Mordin gave me a weird and curious look.

“I may or may not have flipped the Mako several times…every time.” I tried to smile. “It wasn’t really that bad.”

“I got motion sickness, Shepard!” Wrex almost roared. “Never before and never again.”

“Hush.” I stopped the conversation. “Do you want Shepard B’s team to hear us?”

“Too late for that concern.” Mordin was right beside me. 

We walked through a second door and found the wide open space.

“Huh, big place.” Wrex stated the obvious.

“What’re those circular things on the walls?” I asked.

“Archives contain vaults. Would suggest ‘circular things’ are vaults.” Mordin answered matter of factly. 

Sometimes I really hated him.

Tali: “Shepard, what do you think your clone is looking for in here?”

“At this point, anything’s possible.”

Garrus: “Like waking up and finding out you have a clone?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” It was the sushi restaurant conversation all over again.

“Discussion will require copeus amounts of alcohol.” Mordin was to the right of me.

“You drink?”

“Will now.”

I glanced down over the railing. Good thing I didn’t mind heights. That was a LONG way down.

“How are we going to find anything in this place?” Wrex looked around. He looked over the railing too.

How would we….Oh!

“Glyph?”

The blue ball appeared. “Yes, Commander?”

“Track the target. Give me updates on its location.”

“What is the nature of the target?”

“It looks like me.”

“Then I have located the target.”

Mordin shook his head.

“No, Glyph. It’s another me. Now get going!”

“At once, Commander!” And it was gone.

We couldn’t really wait around for Glyph to return, so the only option we had at this point was to pick a direction and hope it wasn’t too wrong. “We could really use a dog or something right about now.”

“Varrens are much better than your Earth dogs.” Wrex all but gloated. “And more vicious. A varren would rip your clone’s leg off.”

“Or Shepard’s.” Mordin cut in. “Same smell. Confuse…unintelligent creatures.”

“I’ve always wanted a varren.” I mumbled. “I could take it on missions.”

I wonder what happened to the one on Tuchunka I befriended? 

“Shepard!” Mordin pointed up.

A large flat elevator/platform dropped down. “There they are! The other Shepard’s still alive!” One of the mecs pointed at us.

I popped a round into him before he had time to grab for his gun. For a high class mercenary group, they weren’t very good or smart. It was actually a little insulting.

There was a load roar to my left and Wrex plowed by and body slammed the other merc off the platform. There was a long scream followed by a ‘crack’ and a ‘thud’ sound.

I cringed. “That was a bit much.”

“Why waste ammo when I can do that?” He asked.

Garrus: “When have you ever cared about wasting ammo?”

“Just now.”

Mordin peered over the edge. “Armor, impressive. Dead, but no mess.” He looked to me. “Should invest in it.”

I ignored him. “I don’t see a way to move this from here.”

Tali: “Shepard, step onto the platform and we can lower you from here.”

And ‘here’ was?

Without warning, the platform went down one level.

“This is great guys, but how does.” I stopped when I saw the vault between the two platforms opened and pushed out.

Brooks: “Now if you get into the vault, we can move you across.”

I didn’t bother to hesitate. I stepped into the vault with Mordin and Wrex right beside me. A blue field surrounded the vault and the whole thing slid back into its resting place.

Computer: “Accessing vault T91.”

“Check this out.” Wrex was looking into one of the cases. “Says this gun was part of the First Contact War. Year 2157.”

“First meeting of turians and humans.” Mordin explained. “Bullets exchanged.” 

“Thank you, Professor Solus.” Street kid or not, I still went to school.

Computer: “Relevant data uploaded to research alcoves.”

The vault stopped moving and the blue field vanished.

“Commander.” Glyph flew to me. “The other you is searching for something 200 meters ahead.”

“Got it.”

We hurried from the vault and up a flite of stairs. Cautiously of course. I don’t plan on getting ambushed. Again…again.

“Two Shepards.” Mordin cocked his head in thought. “One Shepard amounts to enough trouble.”

Javic: “But useful. If there is a task you don’t wish to do, Commander, let them handle it.”

“I don’t have any in-laws yet.” With no more walkway, I hopped down to run across the top of a vault.

Brooks: “So like a personal butler?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I stressed. They wouldn’t think it was funny if the roles were switched.

“Right. So let your clone do it.” Wrex helpfully added.

If more mercs hadn’t shown up, I probably would have shot one of his testicles off. Hey, he’d still have three left or maybe Mordin could somehow reattach it.

Cortez: “Shepard B sounds like a real asshole.”

“Understatement of the century.” I ducked behind one of the merc’s portable shields. 

Brooks: “I’d quiet if they were my commander.”

More mercs appeared to block the way.

“Circle around them via vault?” Mordin suggested. 

Finally, something useful from the peanut gallery.

“Wrex, stay here and keep their attention. Mordin, you’re with me.” 

Wrex just grunted as the two of us hurried off in a crouch towards the neighbor vault. The mercs seemed to have the same idea we did and were already making their way across. 

“Cover me.” I ordered. I slid over the top of the vault lip and ducked behind the next one.

Liara: “Team Mako moving ahead! We’ll meet you on the other side!”

A merc popped up from the opposite side of the lip and shot right over my head. I had no idea he’d been other there and apparently he had no idea I was either. I reached up, grabbed him around the neck, pulled him over, and stabbed him through the chest with my omni-tool.

Tali: “Shepard! They’ve got us pinned down. We could use some help!”

“On our way!” I slid over the last lip and onto the walkway. It was a good thing there was really only one direction you could go on these things thanks to all the random boxes. I could hear Wrex running across the vault top I’d left him at and plowed through the boxes separating us. Mordin just managed to duck as a small one flew at his head. I glared at Wrex and he just smirked. “Come on.” I motioned for them to follow me.

Team Mako was having a one sided shoot out with the mercs in a large cargo hold. I skipped going around to the steps and jumped down continuing forward. Across the way on another walkway I saw a sniper get into position. Without breaking stride, I raised my gun and shot him.

I jumped down again to their level. “Go!” I ordered. “I’ll cover you!”

One right after the other, my team climbed the ladder. The only other way we had out.

“Move!” Some of the bullets were getting awfully close. I felt one wiz by my head.

Mordin was the last to go. “Disadvantage! Unable to shoot back!”

I backed up continuing to shoot. “This is Shepard! We need-”

A barrage of bullets rained down killing the remaining mercs and those that had just arrived.

Wrex laughed. “That’s why I love hanging out with you guys! Why shoot something once when you can shoot it 46 more times?”

“46 bullets. 5 bodies. 9.2 bullets per person.” Mordin nodded. “Positively dead.”

I climbed the ladder quickly. “The…other me can’t be far. Keep the pressure and we’ll try to surround them. Let’s move.”

We broke off into our teams again.


	9. Into the Archives 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Sorry about that suuuupppper long wait. I won't go into details why, it's not important to you. The point is I'm back.

           Mordin had gotten distracted by a large hologram of two turrians and a human.

          Computer: “Year 2157 C.E. First Contact War. Turrian interrogation. Vault T91.”

          “Fascinating.” I swear. Sometimes I couldn’t tell if Mordin was actually an adult or an overly curious child. Probably a little bit of both.

           I watched Mordin watch the hologram.

          Wrex gave Mordin a ‘gentle’ shove knocking him into me. “This isn’t a field trip. We have a Shepard to kill.”

          “Perhaps. However, when will another chance arise to explore data?”

          “Bah! Even I know this junk, salarian.”

           “Only the beginning. Could have more buried further in.”

          It was nice to know the only thing it took for Mordin to be ‘friends’ with Wrex was to cure the genophage. “You two can stay here getting educated. I’m going to go help the others.”

          I was half way down the ramp when something small bounced into view at the bottom. “Grenade!” I pivoted mid step and raced back up the ramp.

          My shields took the brunt of the force, but knocked me off my feet and I slid to a stop at my companions’ feet.

          “Shepard!” Mordin knelt down beside me. “Must be more careful. Many objects in area delict. Irreplaceable.”

          I flipped him the bird as bullets flew over my head. Wrex roared loudly charging ahead.

          “Hurry, Shepard.” Mordin didn’t bother to wait for me to get up and went to join Wrex.

          “I hate you both.” I grumbled scrambling to my feet.

          Cortez: “This is Hammerhead. Enemies ahead, Shepard. We’ll get their attention!”

          “Don’t get ahead of yourselves.” I said running to join Mordin and Wrex. “I don’t want to have to save your asses.”

           Cortez: “We’re not Team Mako.”

          “You mess with Shepard.” Wrex laughed loudly. “You mess with me!”

          The room was full of desks and I just knew Wrex was going to break as many as possible simply because he could. If I had to pay for all the things he broke, I’d never have any credits. Then how would I buy my exotic fish?

           “They’ve still got the krogan!” A merc shouted. “Someone kill him!”

           “Someone can try!” Wrex laughed again plowing through a row of desks.

          “Frontal plate on krogan head can be pried off. Knife most suitable.” Mordin said to no one.

          Maybe that’s the real reason Wrex never tries to murder Mordin.

          Tali: “This is almost unfair. Should we give them a chance?”

          I rolled forward ducking behind side paneling and crates.

          Brooks: “Speak for yourself, please! I’m not even a field agent!”

          “The salarian’s only a doctor.” Wrex reminded her.

          I sprang up from my cover and was about to shoot a clueless CAT 6 mercenary when Mordin shot a percussive shot and killed him. “Never killed with medicine.”

          Liara: “Just follow Shepard’s lead; let the rest of us do the heavy lifting!”

          Garrus: “Touché, T’Soni.”

          “Peanut gallery!” I slapped a magazine into my gun. “You think all you comedians could start hitting something?”

          A mercenary went flying overhead in a biotic field. I hated when Liara did that. It was just weird and this poor guy was upside down. Wait, that wasn’t Liara. “Javik! Just shoot them! Don’t torment them to death!”

          Javik: “As you wish, Commander.”

          The biotic field vanished and the mercenary fell head first. I was thankful all the gunfire drowned out the ‘crack’ that must have followed. I need to be more careful with my wording around Javik.

          “Javik!”

          “No worries.” Mordin released a neural shock at a mercenary running towards him. “Death instantaneous. No pain.”

          “Not helping, Mordin, not helping at all.”

          Brooks: “I think we got them all! Or, I mean, the rest of you did.”

          The three of us regrouped in front of the only door.

          “Or the krogan did.” Wrex smirked at us.

          Mordin pointed to Wrex’s face. “Nose bleeding.”

          “The mighty krogan is bleeding.” I elbowed him.

          “Bleeding mighty krogan blood!” Wrex exclaimed.

           I shook my head. “Hammerhead and Mako, keep pushing ahead.”

          The door opened to an empty hallway. “You know, they could save a lot of room if they didn’t have so many empty, pointless hallways.”

          “Hallways not pointless.” Mordin activated his omni-tool, read something, then dismissed it. “Saving complete. Opposite door will now open.”

          “Wha?”

          Mordin and Wrex erupted into the new room, guns blazing.

          I shook my head following. It was better not to ask when it came to Mordin. I raised my rifle to shoot only to be blinded by the needlessly bright wall light. I saw a humanoid frame that couldn’t have been Mordin or Wrex and shot it. Not something I suggest ever doing.

          James: “Attention, low-life mercenary wanabees! Say ‘please’ and we’ll accept your surrender!”

          I hurried to the dysfunctioning holo archive. Most of these were connected so I could surprise the enemy. Kind of. Until the second one decided to start talking.

          Tali: “Say ‘pretty please’ and maybe Wrex will take a break.”

         “Try it and we’ll see!” Wrex’s roar seemed to reverberate making me wonder how many mercenaries had pissed themselves.

          Javik: “The Prothean, on the other hand, makes no such promises!”

         Glyph: “Attention, enemy drones. Please cease hostile actions, I believe we could benefit from mutual exchange of data. Additionally, the term ‘floating butler’ does not encompass all of my primary function.”

          Does Glyph have a mute button? If not, Liara needs to install one. Even EDI had a mute button. Joker fractured his thumb on it enough times.

          There was a loud explosion and way too many cries of pain.

          “The hell was that?” I called out. I’d lost track of Mordin and Wrex.

          “The salarian just blew something up.” Wrex shoved a now broken chair out of his way. “And you were always worried about me break’en crap.”

          “Flammable or inflammable.” Mordin shrugged. “Couldn’t remember which. Didn’t matter.”

          “You didn’t even know what was going to happen, but you did it anyway?”

          “Hostiles eliminated in area. Saved bullets.”

          He only slightly had me there.

Glyph appeared by my head. “Commander, I have cataloged 18 previously unknown historical events.”

          “Where’s the target?” I closed my eyes in frustration.

          “Searching for a secret vault. They did not wish to be disturbed.”

         “What?”

         “I thought it was you.”

          I had the strange desire to bang my head against a wall.

         Mordin made the face he makes whenever he has to talk to an elcor. “Find other Shepard.”

         Javik: “Stupid machine.”

         I agreed whole heartedly.

         “Shepard, I believe we are breaking several rules.” Mordin pointed to a few signs on the wall. There was a ‘no guns’ and ‘no running’.

         “I’m a Spectre. I can legally do whatever I want. I can run with scissors if I ever get the urge.”

          “Wouldn’t be wise.” Mordin ‘helpfully’ told me.

          “This coming from the man that blew something up.”

          “No signs forbidding explosives.”

          Wrex laughed. “The salarian got you on that one, Shepard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, yes, Mordin did just break the fourth wall.


	10. Into the Archives 3

          The door opened into another large room. “Holy…crap.” The walls were covered in those cylinder shaped vaults.

 

          “Shepard.” Mordin pointed.

 

          “Atlas on the walkway!” Wrex shouted what we were both thinking.

 

           “And me without a rocket launcher.”

 

          Liara: “Team Mako here, we’re on it!”

 

          Team Mako rushed in shooting on the same walkway as the Atlas.

 

          The Atlas turned focused solely on me and jumped down. I wobbled a little hurrying to kneel behind some boxes. “Can this day get any worse?”

 

          “This is a great day!” Wrex charged. “I can’t wait to punch it!”

 

          “No medi-gel for broken hand.” Mordin warned.

 

          I was slapping in some disruptor ammo when there was another loud explosion and bits of Atlas clattered around me. “The hell?” I stood up finding the remains of a still smoking Atlas.

 

          Garrus: “Try to help out your friends and you end up in a mech fight. You’re welcome, Team Mako.”

 

          “Heh, heh.” Wrex checked his shotgun turning to wait for me. “Love watching those things explode!”

 

          “Did you punch it so hard it exploded?” I asked.

 

          Mordin shook his head. “Shot power source.”

 

          “Hey!” Liara called from the walkway not far above us. “Do you have any spare handgun clips? Brooks is out.”

 

          “Sorry.” She smiled sheepishly down at us.

 

          I took out a couple and tossed them up one at a time. Brooks caught the first, but missed the second. EDI easily snatched the dropping second clip.

 

          “Show off.” My team and Team Mako said in unison.

 

          Glyph showed himself again. “Commander, a large contingent of soldiers calling themselves ‘Razor Squad’ is just ahead. They wish to inflict bodily harm on you.”

“Who doesn’t?”

 

          “Also, I discovered an elcor mating totem in vault 347B. Fascinating.”

 

          “Okay, Mordin.”

 

          “What?” Mordin asked looking confused. It was so cute when he did that. Good thing I only thought that.

 

          “Never mind.”

 

          ‘Thankfully’ more mercenaries chose to showed up.

 

          Garrus: “Team Hammerhead here! Showing Team Mako how it’s done!”

 

          Tali: “Mako here. Only because you’re copying us! You bosh’tets!”

 

          A drone flew overhead and I almost shot it, but realized, at the last second, that it was Tali’s. Why do drones all have to be the same color? Couldn’t Tali make her’s purple like her or something?

 

          Garrus: “Hammerhead here! If we were, we wouldn’t be hitting anything!”

 

          Javik: “This is Team Prothean! I have a higher body count than all of you combined!”

 

          Everyone but Javik: “That’s Shepard’s claim.”

 

          A large platform started to raise with several heavy mercs.

 

          Cortez: “Heads up! Looks like they’re getting serious!”

 

          James: “Oh yeah, Esteban? So maybe start hitting something for a change.”

 

          Cortez: “Biggest target I see around here is your mouth, Mr. Vega.”

 

          I ripped a grenade off my waist and lobbed it onto the platform as it continued to raise. “Would you two stop flirting.” BOOM! “And kill these bastards please?”

 

          That shut them up fast.

 

          Wrex shot the last CAT 6 mercenary point blank in the face. “I’ve fought volus bankers tougher than that!”

 

          Javik: “We appear to have killed all the enemy primitives.”

 

          “Looks like I saved everyone’s ass again.” Wrex let lose a deep laugh.

 

          I ignored him going towards yet another door. “Hammerhead and Mako, keep pushing ahead.”

 

          Brooks: “Right! I might throw up a little bit now if that’s okay with everyone!”

 

          “Take deep breaths between expulsions.” Mordin offered.

 

          Tali and Liara: “Ew.”

 

          EDI: “Staff Analyst Brooks, what did you ingest to make that unique color?”

 

          How the hell was I going to explain all of this? As the others would probably say, blame it on the clone.

 

          Though the large room we entered seemed empty, I could hear gun fire in the distance. “Come on!” We took off at a run.

 

          “Commander.” And Glyph was back. “The other you wishes to pass on a message: Shepard, save yourself the trouble. Once I have what I came here for, you won’t matter anymore. Now go drone! Deliver it!”

 

          “I’ve been told that before.” I said shooting one of the mercs in the head as he tried to jump back over railing.

 

          Something blueish shot by me and some poor bastard was frozen in place. Seconds later, Wrex barreled through him sending little icy bits of human. Either that was the most messed up team work I’ve ever seen or some really bad coincidence.

 

          Glyph: “It appears the other Commander has a bad temper. Collateral damage does not concern them.”

 

          Well, duh.

 

          “Shepard, this way.” Mordin waved me over standing next to…another door.At least stairs were on the other side instead of an empty room.

 

          I took the steps two at a time. “Team Hammerhead, we’re headed to the next level. What’s your location?”

 

          Nothing.

 

         “Hammerhead, do you copy?”

 

         “Team Mako!” Mordin pointed ahead.

 

         The group of girls were ahead of us.

 

         Brooks: “We’ll try to clear a path, Commander! Hammerhead’s gone ahead!”

 

        “Don’t get too far a.” Wrex yanked me back just as a bullet whizzed by.

 

       “Pay attention yourself, Shepard.” Wrex gave me a shove.

 

        I almost snapped a smartass remark his way when another bullet whizzed between us hitting a CAT 6 merc in the chest. “Should follow own advice.” Mordin changed gun clips.

 

        Heavy mercs appeared from the shelving. With my disrupter ammo loaded, I didn’t bother going around the large shields and simply blew through them. There is something very satisfying about watching one of those shields explode. Must be what Liara feels when an Atlas explodes.

 

        Stepping though a holo-data thing, Wrex and I shot the snipers at the same time from opposite sides.

 

        “The hell, Wrex? You could have shot me.”

 

        “Nah. My aim was true. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

 

       “Shotgun, Wrex! It sprays!”

 

       “Odds of shotgun spray being lethal from Wrex’s distance with snipers in the way. Low.” Mordin nodded “Not to mention armor and shield protection. Area appears clear.”

 

        Tali: “We see the clone, Shepard! Mako going in!”

 

       “And another set of stairs. Why isn’t there an elevator?” Wrex asked.

 

       “Sitting on throne can create laziness.” Mordin responded with a slight grin.

 

       “Team Mako, we’re coming up behind!” I tried not to laugh. “What’s your status?”

 

       Brooks: “We’re under-“

 

       And it cut out.

 

       “Mako, where are you?”

 

       Nothing.

 

       And here’s the big empty room I’d just finished wondering about.

 

      “Yeah, sure.” I mumbled. “Who doesn’t want to go through an empty hallway only to enter an empty ‘L’ shaped room?”

 

     “I have to agree with Shepard on this one.” Wrex punched a box and either it was empty or he was just that strong, but the box went flying. “I’m not done shooting things.”

 

     “More mercenaries ahead.” Mordin assured him. “Probably.”

 

     “Unless it’s yet another empty room.” I muttered activating the lock.

 

      Brooks: “Commander, do you copy?”

 

      “What’s your status?”

 

       Brooks: “The other you is jamming our radios! Hammerhead and Mako are trying to get ahead and cut your clone off.”

 

      We entered another small empty room.

 

      Computer: “Biometric identification required.”

 

      Brooks: “But I’ve been hit and need help! Please hurry!”

 

      That seemed a bit off. I couldn’t imagine Liara, EDI, or Tali leaving her all alone expressly if she was injured and no combat training. I’d bet credits Tali at least would have stayed. No, something wasn’t right. My guy was trying to warn me.

 

       And there weren’t any mercenaries hiding in the room we were just in. None.

 

      Did we kill them all?

 

      No, that was improbably

 

      Were they retreating? Regrouping?

 

      Maybe.

 

     Something smelled fishy and I don’t like fishy smells.

 

     Computer: “Spectre access is authorized.”

 

    And the door opened. Mordin and Wrex kept going so I followed.


	11. Trapped in a Vault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little bonus for you. I wonder who's going to get the Not-Shepard joke.

“Commander! Over here! Help!” Brooks was on the opposite side shooting at an enemy I couldn’t see.

“Hang on.” We ran forward and almost smacked into a blue wall. We turned around and there was another blue wall to our backs.

“Not good.” Mordin slowly lowered his gun.

“Brooks! The vault sealed us in!” My stomach was churning. Something wasn’t right.

“Is there an override?” Wrex asked.

“Do not see any.” Mordin shook his head. “Bad planning.”

“Cortez? Brooks? Do you read me? Is anyone on this frequency?” I dropped my arm slowly when I saw Shepard B approach.

“The short answer is no. They’re not”

I raised my gun and fired. The bullet hit the barrier. Nothing happened. I tried a few more times in different areas. Nothing.

Shepard B shook their head. Yeah, that was a stupid idea. I’m full of’em today.

“The longer answer involves your friends trapping in iridium vaults and forgotten for…well, forever.”

“There’s iridium the sirens haven’t absorbed yet?” I got three confused looks. I cleared my throat. “Others know about this. About you. The Alliance will stop you.”

“What do you think, Staff Analyst Brooks? Will the Alliance stop us?” Shepard B came closer and I saw Brooks for the first time.

“I wouldn’t know.” Brooks leaned her arm on Shepard B’s shoulder. “I don’t actually work for them.”

“Who the hell are you?” I jabbed a finger in their direction. “And do you really thing I won’t track you down?”

“My name doesn’t matter. I never keep the same one for more than a few days.” I just wanted to punch that smirk off her face. “And if the Illusive Man hasn’t found me yet, you never will.”

Except I have the Shadow Broker on my side.

“You’re Cerberus?”

“Was. Mr. Illusive and I didn’t see eye to eye. He’s indoctrinated whereas I prefer the whispers in my head to be my own.” Brooks paced a little.

“Why not come to me? We could’ve worked together.”

“In a way, we did. I’m the one who put together all those dossiers on your ‘suicide mission’.”

“The Collector base?”

“There was the asari justicar, the drell, the salarian doctor.” She motioned towards Mordin. “It’s good to finally meet the famed Dr. Solus. I actually liked your heartless, ruthless nature.”

“Feeling not mutual.” Mordin did what I’ve termed ‘the salarian growl’.

“They were all mistakes. We were a pro-human group who started looking to aliens for help.” Brooks shook her head. “So, I bided my time, and when I found another you who agreed…I woke.”

“Shepard B.” I interrupted.

“Up.”

“What was the point of it all?” It all seemed a round about why to kill me.

“All we really wanted was your Spectre code.”

When I unlocked that door after the sushi place. I was tricked again!

“But then you survived the hit and insisted on bringing your damned asari into it, so I had to tie up loose ends.”

“Khan.”

“But then your sex bot.”

“I have a sex bot? Oh, right, EDI. She’s Joker’s.”

“Just had to go and recover the data. So here we are forced to…contain the situation.”

“Fair warning; nobody who’s betrayed us has ever survived.” I held my head up high. “It’s a record I’m proud of.”

“And yet they keep trying.” Wrex sighed.

“Fail to learn from past experience.” Mordin shrugged. “Doomed to fail.”

“You two may think you’re clever. And yeah, you where-just a bit-but cleaver doesn’t beat a bullet.” I crossed my arms “And yeah, maybe I am trapped in here, but don’t get comfortable. Because that bull’s-eye on your back is getting bigger by the second.”

“That sounds very dramatic. And if someone like, say, Commander Shepard made the threat, I’d be worried.” Brooks smirked. “But you’re not Shepard. Not anymore.”

“You had Miranda, I have her.” Shepard B motioned towards Brooks. “Mine has more bite.”

“Have you ever met Miranda? Plus, mine had bigger tits.”

“It was fun while it lasted.” Brooks smiled at me.

I could feel my blood starting to boiling. “Of course the Illusive Man hasn’t found you. It’s hard to find something when you don’t bother to look for it.”

Her smile vanished and she glared at me.

“And since he just let you walk off with Shepard B, it says clearly that neither of you mattered to him. Useless pawns that no longer serve a purpose.”

Brooks was scowling, but Shepard B seemed to be ignoring me as they walked towards a console and brought it to life.

“What are you doing?” I was following them.

“Setting things right. Remember this?”

Images of the original council appeared.

“You are the first human Spectre, Commander.” The asari said. “This is a great accomplishment for you and your entire species.”

And the images were gone.

“Except somewhere along the way you forgot about your entire species.” Shepard B turned to me. “You’ve saved more alien lives than you have human.”

“I don’t care what species they are. Every life counts, but maybe a clone wouldn’t understand that.” I shook my head. “You’re going to make a lousy me.”

“You know the one thing they can’t duplicate?”

“Having a soul?”

“Our handprint.” Shepard B looked at their hand. “Life gives it its shape, not DNA…which is a problem.” They turned back to the console. “Computer, update Council records. Subject: Shepard, human Spectre.”

“Accessing record. Please input new data.” They placed their hand on the console. “Biometric identifier update. Good day, Commander Shepard.”

That’s it? It was that easy to steal my identity?

Brooks and Shepard B started for the door. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, the Normandy needs its captain. So…” They stopped walking and turned back to look at me. “I should go.”

Oh hell no!

“Farewell, Commander.” Brooks smirked over her shoulder. “I guess this is where ‘legends’ go to die.”

Before they were out the door, the vault started moving. I wobbled but managed to stay on my feet. I grabbed Mordin’s arm so he wouldn’t fall.

Once it finally stopped moving, Wrex spoke. “Refresh my memory: Didn’t we used to win these things back in the old days?”

Mordin: “Out smarted by Not-Shepard.”

Me: “It said, ‘I should go.’ Do I sound like that?”

Wrex: “As long as I’ve known you, yeah.”

Mordin: “Never noticed. Not important.”

Silence.

Wrex: “So this vault we’re sealed inside of…We’re not going to worry about that?”

Mordin: “Trapped in a vault. Not ideal.”

Me: “How come nobody told me this before? I’m open to feedback here.”

Wrex: “Well, I thought all humans said it, like some weird Earth custom or something.”

Mordin: “Troublesome to change what’s not broken.”

Me: “I’m more confident than they are. More in control. With me, it’s more like ‘That’s all for now’.”

Wrex: “Spoken like a krogan. Show’em who’s boss.”

Mordin: “Dominance must be asserted when entering a situation.”

Silence.

Wrex: “Probably not a lot of air in here. An hour tops.”

Mordin: “Given size of vault and three inhabitants…air enough for an hour…perhaps.”

Me: “Maybe it’s: I should GO. I SHOULD go. ‘I’ should go…Or sometimes ‘I’ll talk to you later’ because you know what? I never do. Leave them wanting more.”

Wrex: “Shepard! Why are you not more worried about this?”

Mordin: “Shepard! Lack of oxygen. Should be more concerned.”

Me: “Hmm? Oh. Glyph, you still out there?”

Glyph: “Yes, Commander.”

Me: “Unlock this damned thing, and go find the others. No one steals my ship. Not even me.”


	12. To the Normandy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just in case some didn't get it or I'm not nearly as witty as I think. The Not Shepard joke. Mordin lovers may or may not know this, but if you have Padok Wiks (Whos super adorable too) instead, Joker calls him 'Not Mordin'. Yup, that's the horrible joke and I'm totally proud of it.

“This is why I hate shore leave. I swear, you park the ship for five minutes…” Joker grumbled as he steered the street car.

“Can you contact Citadel flight control and get them to deny the departure request?” I asked checking my gun again.

“Tried. All the comm lines in the area are jammed…probably to make it easier for them to steal my ship.”

“Shepard, your clone has entered the ship and is attempting to…” EDI made a strange noise and powered down! I turned around just in time to see her body sag.

“EDI?” Mordin poked her carefully. “Unfortunate.”

EDI lulled slightly before sitting up. One of her eyes was crooked. “I’m okay!”

Joker turned to look at her too. “Really?”

It took her a few blinks before her eye went back to normal.

I stared at her for a moment longer before turning back around. “Joker, eyes forward.”

“It’s fine.” He assured me. “These things practically fly themselves.”

“Then why do I need you?”

“My good looks and people skills?”

The street car went silent.

EDI thankfully broke the silence. “The clone has disabled my control of the Normandy as well as all sensory input. I cannot lock them out or counteract the commands.”

That kind of sucked.

“You still fit for duty?” I asked.

“I am experiencing a significant feedback loop in my head, and an increased desire to kill your clone.”

“Get in line.”

“Well, whatever you do, hurry. If the Normandy gets to FTL, we may never see her again.” Joker told me something I already knew.

“We won’t let them steal you, EDI.” I promised glaring out the windshield.

**********

“Okay, Citadel systems are targeting the car.” Joker started to turn the sky car. “Any closer, and they open fire.”

The three of us jumped from the car not waiting for Joker to fully stop. “Get back and pick up the others. ASAP.”

“Right. They can’t have gotten far.” Joker paused. “Unless they called a cab or something.”

Joker wouldn’t be Joker if he didn’t crack a joke at inappropriate times.

The shuttle door closed just as Mordin and EDI shouted at the same time. “Guards!”

I crouched behind a side wall with Mordin and EDI on either side of me. You could hear the bullets strike the cover. “Well, at least we have the higher ground for once.”

“For now.” Mordin popped up, squeezed off a few rounds, and dropped knelt back down. “Must relinquish if plan to board the Normandy.”

We didn’t need to kill all the mercs, we just needed to make it to the ship. “We’re making a sprint for the Normandy. Don’t stop to shoot unless you have to.”

They nodded.

“Now!”

We emerged from cover. I jumped down from the ledge via the opening with Mordin providing cover then vise versa. EDI, with her metal legs, launched herself over the side and landed in a crouch rejoining us.

“Damn it, they’re going for the ship!” I heard a merc shout.

“I thought they were supposed to be dead.” Shouted another.

“Didn’t you know? I never stay dead for very long.” I really was spending way too much time with Joker if I was cracking my own ‘not the time’ jokes.

I made a dash down the dock and heard a high pitched ‘whine’ like noise.

“Sniper!”

I don’t know who shouted the warning, but I was able to dive seconds before the bullet collided with the machinery I would have run past. I peeked up just in time to see the sniper hadn’t cloaked and then a very loud and big explosion. The body of the sniper somehow landed beside me.

“Apologize, Shepard.”

“Thanks, Mordin, I think.”

We ran up a small flight of stairs and in our haste, we almost ran into a terminal.

“The Normandy’s engines are coming online! They are preparing to depart!” EDI’s voice carried over the noise.

“When we want to take off, there’s a half-hour of preflight checks.” I grabbed the ladder and slid down. “They just gun the engine and go?”

“Most of those checks are actually unnecessary!” EDI informed me.

I stopped mid run and let the other two run by. They slowed to a jog before stopping and turned to look at me. “Thanks for letting me know!” I didn’t even try and hide the annoyance in my voice.

“Shepard, discuss later.” Without taking his eyes off me, Mordin raised his gun and shot a merc in the chest. The poor thing fell backwards over the railing. “No time.”

Damn it to hell. He was right, but I was still mad.

“Send a warning to the Normandy!” The merc. Lieutenant ordered.

“We can’t. The Comms are jammed, remember?” Came the reply.

The Normandy was right there. I changed out my clip as I ran firing the first new bullet into some poor bastard’s leg who was too close for comfort.

“Haste required.” Mordin urged keeping pace

“I didn’t come this far just to watch the Normandy leave.” Plus Joker and EDI would never let me hear the end of it.

The bay door opened for us and we rushed in. We’d just rounded the curve to meet Samantha Traynor.

“Wait, what?” Traynor was standing outside the door holding her toothbrush. “You were just on the Normandy!” She shouted. “You, you fired me! Dishonorable discharge for conduct unbecoming!”

Maybe instead of sending me after the Reapers, we should just send a very pissed off Specialist Samantha Traynor at them.

“You kicked me off the ship with barley enough time to grab my toothbrush!”

“I can’t fire you without a disciplinary hearing, Traynor and that’s a Cision Pro Mark 4. It uses mass effect fields to break up plaque and massage the gums.”

Mordin and EDI ignored us walking past looking for something.

“Yes, I told you that!”

“And I remembered because I’m the real Shepard.”

Traynor turned to see what they were doing. “Someone just threw me off the ship. If it wasn’t you…” She turned back to me confused.

“Shepard dropped through sushi restaurant floor. Killed mercenaries with pistol. Broke into a casino. Entertaining. Discovered Shepard has a Cerberus clone. Clone stealing Normandy. Must hurry.” Mordin explained calmly.

While he was talking, EDI forced the first door open with her omni-tool.

“I can explain later. For now.” I hurried to catch up to my team. Traynor followed.

EDI tried her best to open the second door, but it made a denied noise.

“It’s sealed!” I cursed. It must have been one hell of a seal if EDI couldn’t even get through.

“Engines are online. They are preparing to take off!” EDI informed me.

“Is there anyone still aboard who can help us?” I asked Traynor.

“No. I was only there because I helped with the Normandy retrofit back on Earth. Everyone else is on shore leave.”

I was now with Joker on the ‘Shore Leave Sucks’ boat.

“I need another way onto the ship, and I need it fast. If only we had a fish tank floor too.”

Traynor walked around me and knelt. “There’s an emergency exit hatch for evacuations. It should be right…here!” She pulled a panel up off the floor.

I activated my omni-tool. “Manual lock and it’s only meant to be opened from the other side. Any ideas?”

“Extremely precise mass effect field manipulation required for trigger.” Mordin told me. “Requires.”

An odd noise cut him off and we both looked. Traynor was holding up her toothbrush.


	13. Toothbrush Savior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been playing so much ME: Andromeda and seriously Bioware? I can't romance the salarian again? Oh well. I ship Kallo/Gil anyway. On that note, if you're like me and don't have any Mass Effect friends to gush with, feel free to shoot me an email. April 11th! Happy Birthday Shepard!

“If you’d told me this morning that a toothbrush was going to save the Normandy, I’d have been very skeptical.” We crawled through the duck. I do not recommend doing it while carrying a loaded gun.

I could feel the Normandy taking off and wobbled. Whoever was behind me, lost their balance and a hand accidently fell on my leg.

“Who?”

“Sorry, Shepard.” EDI said.

I supposed it was too much to maybe hope it was Mordin.

“Pretty sure we broke Traynor’s toothbrush getting the hatch open.” The escape hatch was finally big enough for us to stand.

“You broke.” Mordin corrected.

“Remind me to reimburse her for that.”

“Reimburse Traynor.” The salarian started.

“Later.” I stressed. “Reminded me later.” I didn’t think I had to specify that.

“Cramped space reminiscent of Tuchunka caves.”

“Shh.” I hissed. “As much as I like listening to you talk, now’s not the time.”

“Will be here if you need me.”

I almost stumbled. Damn that sexy bastard. “Wise ass.” I muttered.

“All right, get a patrol going. Find Shepard. The real one.” The merc. Lieutenant spoke above us.

“Hey.” One of the mercs asked worriedly. “What’d the boss mean by ‘slow’em down’? We’re allowed to kill Shepard if we have to, right?”

“Shepard said slow’em down because they think we’re cannon fodder.” The lieutenant snapped.

“Ouch.” I whispered. I didn’t treat any of my people like cannon fodder. Not even the Cerberus ones.

“Oh, well…shit.”

I’d have to remember to laugh about this later. I pushed the stair access control button and the top erupted open.

“Watch out!” A merc warned. “They’re here in the CIC!”

“I’m not getting paid enough for this.” Several shouted at once disappearing through the door leading to the War Room.

“O…kay.” I lowered my gun. “What just happened?”

“I believe they decided to take their chances running from Shepard B than fighting us.” EDI provided.

“Wise decision.” Mordin agreed. “Did kill many of their group in the vaults.”

I nodded. “I’d be afraid of us too. I have killed a Reaper or two in my time. Where do you think Shepard B is?”

“Group ran away through that door would suggest Shepard B is in the shuttle bay.”

“Why the shuttle bay?”

Mordin shrugged. “Theoretical guess?”

“Let’s go…to the shuttle bay…then.” I activated the elevator. I noticed a pile of stuff next to it. “Hamtaro!” I shouted.

Sitting on the top was my space hamster and a note.

‘Please send this to an animal shelter for proper disposal as a warship is not an appropriate…’

“Oooooh, that is not okay!” My ship models and awards were stacked around it. “Shepard B was in my cabin!”

Mordin cleared his throat and gestured to the candied photo of him I usually kept on my desk. I quickly slapped it face down. “I have no idea how that got there.” I turned to EDI. “EDI?”

“You asked me to capture a screen shot of Mordin during the Collector mission with our security cameras. I sent it to your private terminal. You then proceeded to.”

“Thank you, EDI.” I snapped. My bad for thinking she’d somehow back me up and pretend it was just as big a mystery to her as it was to me. Garrus and Tali would have no matter how futile.

“You’re welcome, Shepard.”

The elevator door opened as if to save me. We entered and I was glad for once my helmet covered my face.

“These people are showing disrespect to my home, my body! It is.” EDI struggled to think of a word. “Unacceptable!” I could swear I saw Mordin inch away from the irate AI. “I intend to kill Shepard’s clone, Agent Brooks, and anyone else in my way.”

I was pretty sure we could stop calling her ‘agent’ at this point.

“Ironic. EDI’s situation similar to Reaper Indoctrination.”

I snapped my head to him. “How do ya figure?”

“Foreign consciousness taking over original consciousness. Host body no longer in control. Tool for enemy.”

The elevator door pinged and opened.


	14. Shuttle Bay Scuffle

     Slowly and carefully, we excited.

Shepard B stepped out from cover dressed in my spare armor.

“That’s unacceptably creepy.” I was going to have to burn that armor.

We started shooting at each other at the same time both running for cover.

“You want to stop shooting up my ship?” They shouted at me.

“It’s not your ship.” And now I felt a little childish.

“It will be! I’ve taken your name, your Spectre rank, even your fingerprints!”

“And then you left me to die…only I didn’t.” Silently, I crept towards Shepard B’s hiding spot. “You think fake fingerprints are going to fool the Council? Or Hackett? How’s that big plan looking now?” I stepped around the barricade, my gun pointing at nothing.

Where was it?

I heard the running footsteps just in time to spin around and block Shepard B’s omni-tool with my own. Gravity was on Shepard B’s side since they’d attacked with a down ward slash, but I was the real Shepard. I twisted my body out of the way, dropping my omni-tool. This caused Shepard B, who’d been pushing down with all their strength, to stumble and become wide open. I recalled my omni-tool and was about to uppercut my clone.

Brooks rushed over first shooting. “Hatchet Squad to the shuttle bay!”

It was a good thing she had lousy aim like a Storm Trooper or I wouldn’t have been shot before ducking behind Cortez’s consul.

Cortez: Commander, the Normandy’s prepping for a jump to FTL.

Joker: Can you get to the cockpit? Like soon?

“Negative.” I lept over the consul shooting some poor merc. in the chest. “I’m occupied in the shuttle bay!” I slid into cover behind…some kind of large box. When did all this crap get into the shuttle bay?

Cortez: Roger that, Commander. We’ll proceed with Plan B.

Plan B? Why did that not fill me with confidence?

Garrus: Shepard! Can you hear me?”

“Loud and clear.” There was a weight lifted off my mind. “You cut through the jamming?”

Tali: Yes. It was rough, but we disabled their tech.

Watching EDI pistol whip a merc. almost made this whole mess worth it.

“We need back up!” I heard Brooks shout.

People were always underestimating my team and it rarely ended well for them. Ask the Collectors.

A blast of blue whooshed towards Mordin and me causing us both to jump to either side. “Did my clone just shoot biotics at us?”

Mordin nodded.

“How the hell does that work?”

Mordin opened his mouth to explain, probably something overly scientific and complicated, when EDI literally flopped down between us. It seems somebody didn’t dodge the biotics in time.

Cortez: Moving in, Commander!

“Moving in?” I asked.

The Normandy jerked badly and I fell forward smacking my helmet into Vega’s work bench. Something fell on the back of my head. A coffee cup landed by my hand. “There better not have been any coffee in that.” I grumbled getting back to my feet.

“What the hell’s going on up there?” Shepard B raged. “Get us out of the nebula and jump to FTL!”

I can’t remember the time I had to have a fire fight on such shaky ground. I was having a hell of a time trying to stay upright and from the looks of it, so was everyone else.

“Then shoot it!”

I didn’t have to hear the other side of the conversation to know what ‘it’ was.

Joker: You need to stay within 30 degrees of the nose to block course plotting!

Cortez: That makes us a perfect target!

Joker: No, that makes us the bait! You want me to drive?

Cortez: No

“What are you two doing?!” Did they not realize I could still hear them?

“Damn it! Launch the shuttle.” My clone growled loudly barley missing EDI’s shoulder. “And blow that thing out of the sky!”

The shuttle bay door opened and the shuttle roared out. Oh, Cortez wasn’t going to like that.

“Guys! The shuttle’s coming your way!” I warned.

EDI’s voice came from some direction. “Be careful! The door is still unsecured!”

I was more concerned about dodging Vega’s rolling weights. Why the hell did the guy need so many? Dodging bullets was trouble enough.

“You should have died at that damn sushi place!” Brooks popped out of her cover only to drop back down when Mordin shot at her.

“Then you shouldn’t have pushed me out of the way of the sniper!” I snapped back lobbing a grenade at my clone.

At the rate all of us were going, there wouldn’t be much of a Normandy left to save. I doubt I’d be getting a 3rd Normandy.

“Impressive, for a poor copy.” Mordin’s shot managed to be lucky and knocked the gun from my clone’s hands.

My clone in turn used their biotics to knock my gun free. The cheating bastard.

I growled sprinting towards Shepard B.I was done screwing around. I tackled them and we fell back over the safety bars and rolled onto the shuttle bay opening. I punched them in the face a few times before getting a boot to the gut and thrown off. Without my armor, that would have knocked the wind out of me.

We clamored to our feet only to lose our balance and, I like to believe, we gracefully tumbled over the edge. I clung on probably looking like that cat from the ancient ‘hang in there’ poster.

“Look at you.” Shepard B actually kicked at me. “What makes you so damned special? Why you and not me?”

“Because you’re just a replica.”

“Shepard!” Mordin and EDI shouted running towards me.

“We have you.” Mordin kneeled and reached for my arm.

Despite my own predicament, I saw Brooks looking at us, meet Shepard B’s gaze, then look away. She at least had the decency to look ashamed. I felt rage boiling in my chest. This was all Brooks’ fault and she was just going to abandoned Shepard B.

With EDI’s help, Mordin hefted me over the lip.

“Thanks.” It really was a relief to not be dangling.

“The clone?” EDI asked.

“Could be interesting to study.” Mordin suggested.

The three of us looked down at Shepard B.

It was tempting to stomp on their hands and send them to their deaths, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t heartless.

“Here.” I knelt down and offered my hand. “Take my hand.”

“And then what?”

“And then you live.” I shouted. “Take my hand and live, Shepard.”

“Shepard?” Mordin asked in the closest thing to astonishment a salarian could get.

I don’t know why I wanted to save my clone. After everything its done. Yet, I was starting to feel sorry for it. Maybe things could have been different if I’d found it instead of Brooks.

Maybe I should stop referring to it as ‘it’.

Shepard B gave me a defiant look. “For what?” And then, they let go.

I knelt there with my hand still extended. I’d seen so many things and yet watching my clone, myself, willingly let go and die. Willingly give up. I felt…I don’t know. Why couldn’t we both be ‘Shepard’?

Mordin put his hand on my shoulder, held it there, then walked back to the shuttle bay with EDI.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shepard Clone may have been an ass, but I felt kind of bad for them. I'm well aware if Shepard doesn't have biotics than the clone won't in the game, but if I was making a Shepard clone, I'd totally give it biotics. You can't seriously tell me with all their technology they couldn't do that. They brought Shepard back from the dead for goodness sakes! My Shepard doesn't have biotics because reasons.


	15. Loose Ends

“Fortunately they weren’t here long enough to do much real damage.” Cortez explained showing Joker and I around the shuttle bay. To be fair, I did help make the damage. “Although I may need some help from James cleaning up the damage to the shuttle bay.”

“Plus they overloaded the heat diffusion system firing at us.” Joker gave Cortez a cuff on the shoulder. “Not sure if you noticed, but Shuttle Guy here did some crazy stunt flying to keep us in one piece.”

Cortez shrugged smiling. “It’s nice to fly something a little more maneuverable than the Kodiak.” I saw him blush a little.

“How about you, EDI?” I asked.

“I am once again in control of the Normandy. Thank you for asking.” I wasn’t sure if she could sound excited, but I’d swear she did.

“Glad to hear it. What about the mercs? Any survivors?”

“Just one crappy-ass piolet and her.” Joker gestured to Brooks as Cortez brought her front and center. “Alliance is taking her to a high security facility. Maybe she can give them some dirt on Cerberus.”

Brooks smiled innocently and I had a chill run up my spine. “I’d be more than happy to cooperate with the authorities.”

“Maya, I know that voice.”

“Do you really?”

“You’re getting a chance to redeem yourself.” That’s more than I could say for Shepard B. “Don’t waste it.”

“So serious. Admit it. Some part of you liked having me around, looking up to the legend.”

“I had someone like that once. A real pain in my ass.”

“We had some laughs and who knows? Maybe we’ll have some more someday.”

I scowled at her. There was a plan somewhere in there.

“You’ll miss me.” Brooks broke her restraints and ran in the opposite direction. Cortez missed grabbing her by an inch.

I reached for my M-16.

A shot rang out and Brooks collapsed to the floor.

“I believe.” Mordin lowered his gun. “That is what humans call ‘irony’.”

Joker brought his hand to his ear as if talking to someone. “Ah, maintenance to the shuttle bay.”

\---------------------------------------------

“The rest of the squad’s waiting outside, Commander. We’ll have the Normandy back in shape in no time.” Cortez was beside me as we waited for the exit hatch to open.

The shuttle carrying the rest of my team seemed to have landed not that long ago and my team was still exiting. Tali and Garrus appeared to be the last ones leaving the shuttle and when our eyes met, Tali waved frantically. “There can be only one!”

“Appreciate it.” And I really did. I had a crack team even if they were obnoxious sometimes. They were my family.

“Is shore leave always like this?” EDI asked as we descended the ramp.

“It is with Shepard.” Mordin answered flatly.

Everyone started laughing. It was kind of funny.

“Leave the jokes to me, Mordin.” Joker said.

“Joke?” The salarian seemed confused. As I figured. He was being totally serious.

“Come on.” I smiled wrapping an arm around Mordin’s slender shoulders. “Maybe we can take some actual time off. No explosions or anything.” I waved my hand as if reveling a magic trick. “Just Team Normandy.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“So.” Joker spoke once we entered my apartment. “After a hard day spent fighting an evil clone, you know what comes next?”

“A nap?” I asked hopefully. I was beat and annoyingly hungry again. My plan was to eat and sleep for the next several hours.

“Please. We party down.”

“Well, I gotta get going. Things to settle up before I head back to Tuchanka. Always fires to put out when you’re in charge, right?” Wrex scratched at his scarred face.

I just nodded in agreement.

He gave a lazy wave as he lumbered to my door. “Let me know if you want to hang out or if you’re having that party.”

Why had Wrex even come back to my apartment?

“See ya.” Joker returned the lazy wave.

“Party, huh?” I crossed my arms leaning on the island in my kitchen. It sounded like a lot of work.

“No pressure. No one’s gonna make you throw a party.”

The Reapers were right around the corner as they say. I don’t like to dwell on the doom and gloom, but this could be the end. “All right.” I shrugged. “Let’s set it up.”

Glyph flew into the kitchen. Did that thing just follow me? “I’ve channeled discretionary funds into your account for the purchase of any celebratory supplies, Commander.”

“Glyph, when did you become my pet?” And why had nobody asked me?

Joker activated his omn-tool and checked something. “Okay, EDI and Cortez and Traynor are in.”

I shook my head. I should have known.

“What?” He asked innocently.

“I have also informed Dr. T’Soni about any potential upcoming celebrations.” Glyph told me.

I held up my hands. “Wait, wait. I’m in charge of the guest list.” The last thing I needed was everyone and their varren in my apartment.

“Yeah, so, there’s no uninvite button on this thing.”

“All right. But when the time comes, I invite the rest.”

Joker turned away. “Cortez just invited James, so.” He elongated the ‘o’.

I shook my head. I was going to invite him anyway.

“I’m going to go out and see how much trouble I can get into without snapping a femur.”

“Good luck with that. A broken femur means a boring party for you.”

Glyph sadly remained. “Members of your crew have expressed spending time with you, Commander. You can check your private terminal for messages.”

“Thanks, Glyph.” I made a vain attempted to push him out of my face. “Guess I should take advantage of some shore leave myself.”


	16. Star Gazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just...hate Aria.

-Shepard,

                Star gazing. Have been informed of a ‘perfect’ place for it. Your presence would be greatly appreciated. Meet at Purgatory. Must change first. Clothes blood splattered.’

-Mordin Solus

                Why were his clothes bloody? What the hell had Mordin been doing?

                Better yet, what had I just read?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                I entered Purgatory and looked around. I couldn’t see Mordin. I had left my apartment early. It wasn’t technically a date, but that’s what I was calling it. It was probably the closest thing to a date you could have with a salarian.

                A batarian approached me from my right. I readied myself for some trouble when I recognized him. He was one of Aria’s pets.

                “Aria wants a word with you.”

                I leaned back a little so I could see around him.

                Aria sat in her little section acting like the queen she thought she was. Sure, she took Omega back, but everyone would remember she lost it and Commander Shepard had to help her reclaim it. I wanted to tell the guy Aria could get off her ass and get me herself, but I didn’t feel like causing a scene just yet.

                I nodded allowing the batarian to lead me over.

                Once we were close, Aria finally turned her head towards me. “Commander Shepard.”

                “Don’t screw around with me and just tell me what you want.” I sat down. “I’m busy.”

                “Are you?” She cocked an eyebrow. “You don’t look it.”

                “Saving the galaxy is a full-time job.” I crossed my legs. “You know, with the Reapers and impending doom and all.”

                “You can’t be too busy if you’re here, waiting for a certain salarian.”

                “The Normandy’s undergoing maintenance.” A.K.A. being repaired after my clone helped tear it up. “It’s a forced shore leave.”

                “In that case.” Aria snapped her fingers and her turian pet came over. “Get Shepard a drink.” He nodded and hurried off.

                “You didn’t even ask what my poison was.”

                “As long as it’s not that krogan shit. Poison’s poison.”

                Alone, or as alone as Aria gets, she moved to sit closer to me. “Shepard.” There was almost a purr in her voice. “Why waste your time on the salarian? I’m right here.” She slid her hand up my thigh. “I know how to please a partner.”

                “Yeah, having multiple partners will do that.”

I’m not stupid. I know what she was doing. Sure she basically had command over all the other mercenary groups, but I was Commander Shepard. I was a pawn worth having now, unlike when we first met on Omega.

                 She leaned in. “Jealous?”

                “Not particularly.”

                “There’s no need to be coy.” She rang her fingers through my hair before whispering in my ear. “Just say the word and I’m all yours, Shepard.”

                I pulled away from Aria. “If wanted to try asari, would try you.”

                Actually, I’d probably go for Liara. Less chance of me being stabbed, or shot, or bioticed.

                Aria stared at me. “You’ve been hanging around the salarian doctor too much.” She sat back in her spot. “It’s too bad I can’t get THE Commander Shepard wrapped around my finger. Then I’d be a force to be reckoned with on more than just Omega.”

                “Which Cerberus took from you.” I couldn’t help myself. Whenever I see Aria, I always think about how big of an ass she was when we first met.

                She was too much of a professional to scowl, but I could tell she really wanted to.

                I think I hit a nerve.

                “That salarian has no idea how influential he could be.”

                I cocked an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

                “He has probably the most powerful human lusting after him. If he chose to and played his cards right, Mordin could have the galaxy bowing at his feet.”

                “Then it’s a good thing Mordin isn’t like you nor am I dumb enough to blindly do what I’m told.”

                Aria leaned forward. “You’re a sexual being, Shepard. Are you trying to tell me that if Mordin offered himself to you in exchange for doing something he wants you wouldn’t jump on it?”

                I tried hard not to smile at that. I’d been hanging around Joker too much.

                “Very tempting, but no. First, I’d be suspicious if a salarian wanted sex. Second, I’m not a whore. Call me what you want, but I do have standards and this magical thing called self-respect.”

                The turrian pet showed back up handing Aria her drink and presenting one to me.

                “About time you dragged your sorry as back over here.” Aria snapped.

                “Sorry, Aria, the bar’s.”

                Thankfully, a message from Liara popped up on my omni-tool so I didn’t have to pay attention to Aria bitch out her pet. I opened message.

-Shepard,

                Bought you a present. Hope you like it.

-Liara

                I furrowed my brow. What the hell was she talking about?

                “Bored of me already, Shepard?” Aria asked.

                “To be honest, I was bored before I sat down.”

                Seeing Mordin is always a pleasure, but I was relieved when I spotted him enter Purgatory. He wasn’t wearing his normal attire. The pants were nothing special, but he was wearing a N7 zipper hoodie identical to the one I owned.

                Ah, I bet that’s what Liara meant.

                I stood up. I was going to leave Aria with some valuable information. “You see, Aria, the galaxy has many rules, but one is more important than the rest.” I knocked back my drink in one gulp. “Don’t fuck with Commander Shepard.” I tossed the empty glass at her closest pet. “Have a nice night.” And I walked away.

                That felt good. Wrong of me, but good.

                I sent a quick reply to Liara, thanking her for the gift and assuring her I was already enjoying it before hurrying to meet Mordin.

                “Hey.” I raised my hand in greeting. “Interesting outfit. Is it new?” Like I didn’t already know.

                He frowned at me. “Not by choice.”

                Uh, oh.

                “What do you mean?”

                “Was helping in refugee hospital. Became covered in filth. Went back to apartment to clean. All clothing, gone.”

                “Except for what you’re wearing now.” I sighed.

                “Precisely. Even soiled clothes gone.”

                Great, now they were getting Kasumi involved in this.

                I sighed again. “I’m sure when you go back, all your clothes will magically be there.”

                Sometimes I wonder if those 3, now 4, realize they might be hurting not helping. Mordin wouldn’t be any fun if he was annoyed all night. Wait! The Salarian Emotional Whirlwind! (Tali coined it not me). He’ll get over it in no time.

                I coughed. “Anyway, you said something about star gazing?”

                “Yes, come.” He gestured for me to follow. “Was informed of a section of the Citadel now accessible because of damage. Great view of stars.”

                “And you know this how?”

                “Patient at refugee hospital. Treated for broken ankle. Easy fix. Explained ankle broke while climbing down from mentioned area.”

                When we walked through the market, I stopped at one of the shops and purchased a blanket. Mordin gave me a curious look. “You can’t star gaze without a blanket.” I explained. “Just like you shouldn’t travel the galaxy without a towel.”

                He studied me for a moment, shrugged, and continued to lead the way.

 

* * *

 

 

                I hoisted myself over the edge of the debris pile. “Damn. So much for lazy shore leave.” I helped Mordin up, though he really didn’t need it. “Good thing I wore my hiking boots.”

                He looked down at my shoes.

                “It’s a….forget it. Bad human humor.”

                I pushed some debris away with my foot and laid out the blanket. “This is how you star gaze on Earth.” I sat down and leaned back on my arms.

                Mordin followed suite.

                “There a reason we’re out here? Or up here, I guess.”

                “See stars every day. Boring. No longer appreciated. Shame really.”

                “I agree with you there. I haven’t done this since I was a kid.”

                “Never star gazed before.”

                I snapped my head over to him so fast I think I heard a ‘crack’. “Never?” I couldn’t believe it. Who’s never star gazed?

                “Never.” Mordin didn’t take his eyes away from the stars. “Busy. Tasks always need doing. Enemies to kill. Patients to heal.”

                I tilted my head back up. “When I was a kid back on Earth, I was going down a bad path. One night, after beating up a couple of kids from a rival gang, I just flopped back on the ground exhausted. I was staring up at the sky and thought how beautiful it was out there and how the world around me was so…not. I decided that’s where I wanted to be.” I raised my left hand as if I could grab the stars. “Fly through the stars, see the universe.” I dropped my arm to lean on it again. “This isn’t exactly what I imagined.”

                “Sovereign, Lazarath Project, Collectors, Reapers, live prothean, or clone?”

                I pretend to mull it over. “I’d have to go with.” Falling in love with a salarian. “The giant ass fish tank in my cabin.”

                Mordin chuckled at that.

                “Are you enjoying the view?”

                “A peaceful past time.” He paused. “Your story, true?”

                I smirked at him. “Maybe.”

                We sat in silence until I noticed him shiver.

                I sat up. “You cold?”

                “Due to excessive damage, certain areas of the Citadel have yet to be reconnected to the temperature monitors. System unaware area is not properly heated.”

                “So?” I elongated the ‘o’.

                “Yes.”

                Was that so hard?

                “That’s what blankets are for.” I tugged on ours.

                We freed the blanket. I wrapped one end of the blanket around my shoulders and held out the other end invitingly.

                Mordin sat beside me and I enveloped him in my blanket cocoon.

                “Told ya we have to have one for star gazing.”

                This would be my favorite blanket forever.

                He was sitting so close to me. I could feel him breathing. If I wanted to, and I really did, I could lean in and kiss him. His mouth wasn’t that far away. This was a cliché romantic moment and if I was with someone other than Mordin, I’d think it was planned that way.

                “Do it, Shepard.” My mind screamed. “This could be your only chance. Forget the stars. Kiss him.”

                I pulled Mordin closer. At this point, if we were any closer, he’d be sitting on my lap. Not that I’d mind. Mordin shifted and he was now leaning on me. My heart rate doubled.

                “Shooting stars aren’t stars.”

                “Huh?” That caught me off guard.

                “Shooting stars. Actually burning space debris.”

                And with that he not only ruined the moment, but the magic of shooting stars, though to be fair, I was pretty sure I already knew the shooting star thing.

                “Oh, yeah?” Not one of my more intelligent answers. “You’d think they’d gather it up and reuse it.”

                I felt Mordin shrug. “Not my expertise.”

                This weird conversation was probably for the best. Kissing Mordin would have probably made it awkward. I’ll stick with the could be romantic atmosphere over the awkward one.

                “Hey, do other species have constellations?” I asked.

                “Imagine so. Constellations tend to go hand in hand with primitive religions. Before science, natural phenomenons required explanations. Such thinking is found in most species. Also tends to be basis for art.”

                “And we know how much you like art. It’s too bad Earth’s…indisposed. I bet you’d love The Louvre.”

                “Ah, yes, the museum with the Mona Lisa. Shame it’s all rubble.”

                “Yeah, everything in the galaxy’s probably rubble.” I sighed. “Right when you decided to retire. I think that’s the galaxy’s way of saying you can’t.”

                “Extreme measures?”

                I laughed. “If we survive this, I’m definitely retiring.”

                “Bad idea. Who would save galaxy?”

                “Right, that. I’ll take a long vacation then, like a few years.”

                Maybe spend them on an island with a certain salarian collecting sea shells.

                I wonder what old man Mordin would look like? Is that what I’m sitting next to right now? Damn, if that was true, young Mordin would be…wow.

                I cleared my throat trying not to think about it. “I’m about to save the galaxy a third time, take out the part where I killed all those batarians, and I should have accumulated a lot of vacation time.”

                “Salarians have no concept of vacation time.”

                “Wasn’t aware they retired either.”

                We shared a good long laugh.

                My omni-tool flashed. “Hmm?” I activated it. “It’s a message from Javik.”

                “Hard to imagine Javik sending a message if not important.”

                I agreed. “Let’s see what it says.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Javik's Citadel thing is hilarious! That's why Mordin and Shepard are going there next chapter.


	17. Enter Stage Right

“I have been asked to take part in a vid.” Javik explained as the three of us road the elevator to where I had no idea. “I am told it is a great honor and will boost moral for the war.”

“Who says it will?” This sounded kind of suspicious. I can’t imagine anything Javik saying boosting moral. He keeps telling people how his people us to eat them.

Mordin shook his head. “Vid and honor rarely together.”

The elevator stopped, the doors opened, and we stepped out. Immediately, a salarian hurried to meet us. “Ah, Commander Shepard! I didn’t realize you were coming too! Perfect timing, perfect timing! You can play yourself!” 

“For what?” I asked dumb founded.

“Peculiar.” Mordin took in the room. “Vid, what kind?”

“Attention: The Prothean is on set!” The director ushered us forward. “Someone tell the stunt double they’ve been demoted! We have the real Shepard now!” He walked past us and towards a vorcha, salarian, and volus standing in a line. “All right! Places everyone! Quickly! Quickly! Cue the backdrop! Roll cameras!”

A large screen rolled in that looked a lot like the old council’s counciling room. Wait, were those three supposed to be the council?

“And…action!”

“Commander Shepard.” The salarian ‘councilman’ started. “Thank you for coming. The urgent hour of doom which we all urgently face draws near. Urgently so.” 

Mordin cocked his head, confused. “Aside from the salarian, the council members are wrong. Neither species is qualified. Volus? Possible. Many yeas away however. Vorcha? 

Definitely not. Lack of brain capacity a side, vorcha possess poor temperament, motor skills, proper speech, and live half as long as a salarian on average.”

I elbowed him hard where his ribs would be.

“But there is hope.” The salarian ‘councilor’ held up a finger. “The council understands you recently found a Prothean in a refrigerator and defrosted him!”

“Refrigerator and stasis pod, clearly not the same.” Mordin shook his head. “Same size perhaps.”

“So.” I spoke slowly. “Are you guys just making this up or what?”

“Of course we’re not making it up!” The director actually sounded insulted. “A writer wrote it, so it must be true!”

Mordin’s frown deepened. Tali had dubbed it his ‘you people are morons’ look.

I should see were this was going. “Yeah, he was in the freezer, right behind the varren roast we managed to hide from Wrex.” I adlibbed.

“Roast clearly no longer there.” Mordin added.

The vorcha ‘councilman’ pointed at us. “You die now!”

“Not yet.” The director snapped. “That comes later!”

“The vorcha councilor will kindly refrain from further interruptions!” The salarian ‘councilor’ tried to cover.

“I believe.” Javik turned to me. “I have been miss informed about the purpose of this ‘vid’.”

“Ya think?”

“Now then, oh wise prothean elder, what wisdom of the ages can you share with us?” The salarian ‘councilman’ spread his arms and bowed his head a little.

Javik gave me a quizzical look and I gestured for him to go ahead. “Just say whatever.”

“Salarian kidney is best served at room temperature. It is even better when the salarian is still alive. The fear adds…spice.”

I should have expected that.

Mordin considered this. “First time hearing fear called ‘spice’.”

The vorcha ‘councilman’ now pointed at his salarian counterpart. “Prothean no like you!”

“Did someone say ‘prothean’?” We all twisted around to see a hanar. “This one is familiar with enkindling. This one has enkindled multiple females across the galaxy.”

“How the hell did we get to talking about sex?” I was confused as hell. “Also, gross.”

“Blasto, about time you showed up! The galaxy is under attack by Reapers.” The volus councilman said as loudly as he could before his voice going mournful. “If only someone had warned us about them years ago.”

Oh, God! This was a Blasto movie!

Should have seen that coming too.

Using his tentacles, Blasto parted Javik and me. I stared at where I’d been touched. “Please tell me hanar don’t use their tentacles for enkindling.” I whispered to Mordin.

“Strange. Was positive hanar weren’t sexual beings.” Mordin looked thoughtful.

“Again, gross.”

“This one tried. This one was ignored. This one’s efforts fell on obstructed auditory senses.” Watching hanar move was kind of mesmerizing.

“Uh, actually, that was me. Sovereign? Saren?” I crossed my arms. “You might’ve heard of them?”

“Yes, and Blasto here destroyed half the Citadel putting them down. But even he’s just one hanar.” I really hate it when volus talk. It takes forever.

“And let the original council get killed.” I reminded them. “Don’t forget that.” 

Hey, if they wanted to give credit to the hanar then he gets the blame too.

“And now we’ve asked Commander Shepard and their prothean partner” The salarain ‘councilman’ gestured to each of us. “Here to assist.”

“This one did not read that far into the script.” Blasto twisted towards the director. “This one does not share top billing.”

I still don’t fully believe there actually is a script.

“Wait, what?” The director rushed over. “But it’s Blasto 7: Blasto Goes to War! Think of the children!”

“Hanar do not fight.” Mordin objected. 

“Tell that to Zaeed’s neck.” I countered.

“In my cycle, your kind were nothing more than appetizers.” Javik stepped forward to face the hanar. “Would you prefer to be boiled or fried?” 

Ah, Javik, ever the helpful one.

“Prothean no like you!” Was the vorcha ‘councilor’s contribute. 

“Fried unhealthy.” Mordin, also ever the helpful one, added. “I suggest boiled. Though both would cause excruciating pain if hanar still lives.”

“This one has found his motivation.”

And this one really wanted to get the hell out of here. I missed alone time with Mordin for this?

“Very well. Commander Shepard and Prothean partner of undetermined ethnic origin.” Blasto twisted to talk to us. “Welcome to the Spectre Club.”

Were they just ignoring Mordin? They must be because that whole council remark, nobody even batted an eyelid.

“I’ve been in the ‘club’.” I air quoted. “For three years now, you stupid jellyfish.”

“How was spectre status even uptrained?” Even the mind of the great Mordin Solus couldn’t figure that one out.

"I am not just any specter. I am an Ultra Spectre Elite 4000 Deluxe.” Blasto raised two guns and pointed them at me. I’ve been threatened by worse. “This one is a 7000. This one has less recoil and faster load time.” (And yes, he does use ‘I’)

Wait, are we talking about being spectres or guns? I’d rather not be a gun if I have a vote.

“Where is the airlock so I may throw you out of it?” Javik demanded.

“We don’t have a prop for that!” The director grumbled before shouting. “Cue the sound effects! Change the backdrop!”

The backdrop shifted and now was the site of a Reaper attack.

“Look!” The volus ‘councilor’ pointed. “It’s Sovereign’s half-brother, Sluggard! And he’s looking for some payback!”

“Reapers do not have family ties.” Mordin frowned. “I believe a new fact checker is in order.”

“Someone wrote it so it must be true.” I smiled at him making a check mark in the air. “Fact checked.”

“Cue the stunt double!” The director ordered.

There was either an exploding noise or a gun shot and my ‘stunt double’ rolled across the floor.

I stared. “That was supposed to be me?! It’s not even the right gender!”

“Your line!” The director stage whispered. “Say your line!” 

“Oh, uh. You die now!” The vorcha pointed at me.

“What’d I do?”

“Oh, no!” The salarian ‘councilor’ had his hands on either side of his head. “The vorcha councilor has been indoctrinated!”

Both the salarian and volus councilmen fast walked past us and off the scene.

“Indoctrination, not instantaneous.” 

“Does no one besides Blasto have a name in this thing?” I leaned towards Mordin.

“Sluggard?”

“Right. The Reaper.”

“This one is the hero of the Citadel.” Blasto raised one of his guns. “This one has an incendiary projectile with the councilor’s name on it. Vorcha scum, prepare for death.”

I shoulder checked Blasto aside. “Uh, this one is the hero of the Citadel.” I had my gun ready. “I’ll handle it.”

“Real gun, Shepard.” Mordin warned. 

Blasto tentacle checked me back. “This one insists.”

“This one doesn’t care.”

Javik started to march forward. “This one.” His body started to glow. “Wishes he was still frozen in the refrigerator!” And he biotic punched the vorcha so hard he knocked him to the ground and the body rolled.  


“Did you just kill that vorcha?” I pointed as if I could be referring to some other vorcha.

His face clearly asked ‘so?’.

“Judging from what I could see, vorcha was nearing end of life span.” Mordin assured me. “No cause for concern.”

“Not really my point.” I muttered. 

Javik seemed to huff. “May we go now, Commander?”

I smirked. This was his idea in the first place. “Come on, I want some fried food now.”

“Strike the set! Tell casting we’ll need a new vorcha!” The director did a ‘round it up’ motion. “Prepare for Blasto 8: Blasto Cures the Genophage!”

I stopped mid-step. “The hell he just say?”

“I believe the salarian is insinuating a hanar was able to cure the genophage.” Javik grunted. “Primitive among primitives.”

I was about to give that director a piece of my mind, but Mordin grabbed my wrist. “Waste of time and energy.” He tugged on my arm. “Fried food, yes?”

“Fine.” I jabbed the elevator button. “These movies are stupid anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready for a party at Shepard's place?


	18. Party 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to do the party scenes. I mean, it's just people standing around talking so that's what I did with added material of course.

I tried to remember the last time I’d actually partied as my guests entered my new apartment. Those who were seeing it for the first time gawking and trying to take it all in. I knew the feeling.

I’d ordered food and plenty of booze. I’d hoped it be enough, but if we needed to order more, EDI or Mordin could answer the door since they’d be the most coherent. I planned on getting royally shit faced.

Traynor, Liara, Tali, Garrus, Samara, and Mordin had made themselves at home in my kitchen. Tali was so kindly sitting on one of the counters.

“I can’t get over the size of this apartment.” Traynor gawked. “The electric bill alone could’ve paid for my college tuition.”

Liara: “Or funded the war.”

Garrus: “Or made a nice down payment on one of those Atlas mechs. Always wanted one.”

Tali: “Or put an air-conditioner in this suit. You have no idea how hot it gets!”

Me: “You should have seen the bill for the Lazarus Project. THAT was a good chunk of credits.”

Mordin: “Appears to have been worth it.”

Me: “Only ‘appears’?”

Garrus: “So Shepard, you can serve this swill, but can you drink it?”

I crossed my arms chuckling. “Watch me, Vakarian. I’m gana drink your pointy ass under the table”

Traynor fidgeted. “Are we sure the Normandy is still there? Has anyone else tried to steal it?”

Kasumi reviled herself just out of Tranyor’s sight. “Stealing the Normandy. Now there’s an idea.” And she was gone again.

Traynor: “Wait. What? Who..”

“We can always.” Tali hiccupped. “Get another Normandy. Call up.” She hiccupped again. “Cerberus and ask them to pleeeease build us the SR-3.”

Samara: “But wouldn’t that require you to change your name? Tali’Zorah von Normandy SR-3?”

Tali: “It’s ‘vas Normandy’. Von means ‘one who has a weak bladder’ which feels appropriate right now.”

“Unwise.” Mordin swirled his drink. “Illusive Man not Shepard number 1 fan. More likely to shoot.”

Me: “That’s a great way to piss away money.”

“We’ve seen a lot of good times on the old girl.” Garrus nodded.

Traynor: “Some of you more than others. I’m just honored to have squeaked in. I must admit; I still feel like something of an outsider. You all have such a history with Shepard.”

Garrus: “It’s mostly a lot of running and shooting and usually, somewhere in there, a button needs pushing. But Shepard always hogs that part.”

Me: “Can you even push buttons with your fingers?”

“Yes, a history of close calls, narrow escapes, and more near-death encounters than I care to remember.” Liara raised her glass.

Mordin wrinkled his nose the best a salarian could.

Me: “Are you remembering that time I set that Blood Pack krogan on fire?”

Liara: “Which time? There’s probably dozens.”

Garrus: “I bet it was when we went to ‘save’ Maleon.”

Tali: “I don’t remember that being in the story I was told.”

Garrus: “Shepard probably told you the boring version. What happened was this krogan from clan…”

Mordin: “Warlock.”

Garrus: “Warlock was ranting about how the genophage was going to be cured and Shepard shoots this explosive canister. Warlock starts laughing at how lame Shepard is.”

“Hey!” I protested.

“And Shepard shoots the canister again and kaboom! Warlock’s on fire and starts flailing.”

“Don’t recall flailing.” Mordin mumbled to himself.

Samara held up her glass. “Beautiful Shepard. I expect nothing less.”

“Here, here.” The others raised their glasses.

Me: “I’m choosing to take that as a compliment.”

“Working with Shepard reminded me of my younger days running with mercenaries, blowing things up with mercenaries, and occasionally sleeping with mercenaries.” Samara looked a little wistful. “I sometimes miss my younger days. Centuries and centuries of carefree sex.”

“And now we know something about Samara we didn’t know a minute ago.” Garrus sounded a little creeped out.

Listening to Samara talking about sex was like hearing your aunt telling you about her sex life. You knew it was there, she did have three daughters after all, but it was so far in the back of your mind, it’s almost traumatizing when it’s forced to the front.

“Not surprising.” Mordin cut in. “Asari are a hyper sexual race. Rare for an asari that does not partake in carefree sex.”

Liara wrinkled her nose. “I’m standing right here.”

“There’s still time.” Tali told her. “You’re only 100.”

We laughed at Liara’s expensive.

“Now that you’ve brought it up.” Traynor said slowly. “That mind meld thing asari do, does that count as sex?”

“If it does.” Tali lazily kicked her legs. “Shepard and Liara have done it at least 3 times and in front of us.”

“Actually.” Both Samara and Mordin started.

“No.” Liara almost shouted.

“I think the mind thing has different levels of seriousness.” I told Traynor. “Like I think what we did only counted as making out.”

Liara: “Oh, Goddess.”

“Really? I thought it was an intimate gesture.” Garrus poured himself another drink. “Making out doesn’t seem like one.”

“By the goddess.” Liara had her face in her hand.

Garrus, Tali, and Traynor shouted. “Drink!” And everyone but me took a drink.

“What was that?” I asked confused.

“A drinking game.” Traynor explained. “Every time Liara says ‘By the goddess’, Garrus says something about calibrating, or Tali uses her native tongue, you drink.”

“And none of you are drunk yet?”

Tali: “We could add Javik. Every time he says something about primitives.”

Garrus: “That seems too easy.”

Tali: “Why?”

I cupped my hands around my mouth and shouted. “Hey, Javik?”

“What, primitive?” He shouted back.

“Point taken.” Tali held her glass out and Garrus poured her more.


	19. Party 2

There was a lot of voices coming from my front door. Loud voices. Grunt’s voice was also in the mix and that worried me.

“I’m gana check on Grunt.” I informed the group though they weren’t really listening. Somehow the conversation had turned into a ‘Who’s done the most badass things with Shepard’. I couldn’t obviously play along and poor Traynor just seemed in ‘aw’. I was personally torn between Garrus taking a rocket to the face and Mordin surviving Tuchanka. I’m probably biased since I’ve never caught a rocket with my face or lived through an exploding tower that fell on me.

Mordin, as always, was paying attention to multiple things at once and DID hear me. “How parental of you.”

I smacked him half-heartedly in the arm. “Shut up.” Was my intelligent come back. 

Mordin was convinced I thought of Grunt as my son. Just because I maybe worry about Grunt a little more than the rest of my crew didn’t mean I’d adopted him. Grunt had been new to battle. Of course I was going to check him over for injuries, and remind him to eat when I myself forgot, and searched high and low for a kickass shotgun (I was pleased when I saw he was still using it and said it was his favorite), and helped him clean said shotgun, and…okay, maybe a tiny piece of me did think of Grunt as my son…

Grunt was at my front door dictating who was and wasn’t allowed in. I had my own krogan bouncer. 

“I heard there’s a big party in there! Can we come in?” A man’s voice came over the speaker.

How the hell had people heard about the party?

Grunt’s deep voice answered. “No, you can’t. Go away.”

“How’s it going over here?” I asked smiling.

“You can’t come in.” Grunt growled at the monitor before answering me. “It’s going good.”

“I see that. Anyone interesting trying to get in?”

“A volus came claiming to be your half-brother, Sheppy.”

“How would that work?” I tried really hard not to imagine a human and a volus making the beast with two backs.

A batarian showed up on the screen. “No.” Grunt dismissed it.

“Good call on the batarian. They’re usually trying to kill me.” 

“I would rip out any batarian’s spine that tried to.

“Lovely image.” I gestured to the screen. “Can I try that?” It was my apartment, but Grunt looked like he was having so much fun. I didn’t want to take it from him if he didn’t want to.

“Sure.” Grunt had the biggest grin I’d ever seen on his face. “Press this button and say ‘no’.”

“Hello?”

“Is this Commander Shepard?” A loud female voice shrieked. “Oh my god! Oh my god! I can’t believe it’s you!” Several more shrieks joined the first.

I pushed the button in rapid succession. “Fangirls. The only thing scarier than a Reaper.” 

Grunt gave me a curious look. “How is a flock of women a bad thing?”

“It is when you don’t want to sleep with any of them.” 

My answer didn’t seem to help any, but then his confusion cleared and he nodded. “Right, the salarian.”

“Huh?”

“Wrex told me most humans have one mate at a time and for some reason, you’ve chosen Mordin as yours.”

“I didn’t.” I lamely protested. “I mean.” I sighed.

“It’s okay, Shepard. It doesn’t make sense to me, but I agree with Wrex.”

“About?” I asked fearful and curious of the answer.

“You’ve got quads. Your quads have quads. You’re the only human that headbutts krogans and lives to brag about it.” I’ve never bragged about it, but okay. “You kill giant Reapers for fun. You battled a clone of yourself. I’m not stupid enough to judge who you mate with.”

I literally had nothing to say to that. Though when did Grunt get an opinion on who I did and didn’t sleep with? Emphases on the didn’t.

Change of subject time. I pointed at the screen. “Is that…”

“Fake lip-hair doesn’t fool me, salarian. No.”

“Tell him our salarian quota for the party is already met.”

“It’s just the one.”

“And that’s all any party ever needs.”

Grunt chuckled.

“I’m selling cookies.” The salarian tried, his ‘mustache’ slipping slightly.

“You’re selling cookies? Uh…well… No, I shouldn’t let you in.” Grunt looked so disappointed.

Free cookies seemed like a better incentive to me.

“There’s cookies in the kitchen.” I jerked my thumb in that direction. I made sure there’d be plenty for Grunt.

“Really?”

“Oh yeah.” I reached over and turned off the door monitor. So many you’ll puke.”

“Ever seen a krogan drink so much they get sick on your floor?” Grunt chuckled going for the kitchen. “I’m about to make sure that dream comes true!”

Great. Thank God I’m getting a cleaning service. I wonder if they’d charge more for krogan made messes?

“Oh, before I forget.” Grunt turned back to me and without warning, headbutted me.

“Son of a!” I pointlessly rubbed at my forehead. “What the actual hell?”

“That’s for letting me believe Garrus about human war paint.” 

Human war paint?

Oh!

Garrus and I had taken Grunt to the Citadel for his very first time. He noticed a lot of women, and some men, wearing make-up and wanted to know why. I had every intention of telling him the truth, but Garrus beat me to it. He told Grunt it was human war paint. I’d know Garrus long enough to know that was his attempted at humor. Grunt on the other hand totally believed him. Turians don’t have a sense of humor so Garrus must be telling the truth. Of course Grunt then wanted to know why I didn’t wear war paint. Garrus had an answer for that too. “Shepard’s scary enough without war paint. If Shepard wore it, the fight would be over before it even started.” To this day I’m still not sure how to take that statement.

In the end, I’d decided not to correct Garrus. It was harmless.

I thought.

Sometime later, Miranda approached me informing me that her make-up was missing. I had a sickening feeling I knew what had happened. As I suspected, Grunt had it.

I smiled despite myself. “Come on, Grunt. It was too funny to correct you.” And adorable as hell, but I don’t think krogan like being called adorable or any variation of it.

Grunt glared at me.

“Okay, okay I shouldn’t have told the rest of the ship to go along with it or let you leave the ship wearing it, but riddle me this: if the roles had been reversed, wouldn’t you have done something similar?”

“No.”

I raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“I would have made sure it was permanent”

Somehow, I already knew he’d say that. I returned the headbutted wincing. “Your battle master orders you to fill up on junk food and booze then puke.”

“Name my target and it will be consumed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you, but I love the idea of Shepard taking on a parental role with Grunt. It's sad you don't see/read more Papa Shepards.


	20. Party 3

I watched Grunt go to the food, snag an untouched plate of snacks, and take as much booze as he could cradle in his arms, muttering about how this weak shit would have to do, and walked off to lord only knew where to enjoy his bounty.

That wasn’t going to end well for my apartment.

“Glyph!” Jack shouted from the kitchen. “Put on some music we can fucking dance to!”

Glyph: “Putting on music you can fucking dance to.”

“Jack!” I heard Liara snap at Jack from the balcony. “Don’t teach Glyph to swear!”

“He was with us in the archives.” I called to Liara. “That ship has sailed.” I, myself, swore over a dozen times. 

There was a choir of laughter. 

Mordin, I noticed, was sitting quietly reading his data-pad. I was amazed he could concentrate with all this noise.

“Mordin?”

“Yes, Shepard?”

“What’re you doing?”

“Looking over Crucible data.”

“You do realize this is a party.”

“Aware.”

“And you still owe me a dance.” I carefully slid the data-pad from his fingers. “From the casino.”

He thought about this. “Do not recall such suggestion.”

“Ah, huh.” I placed the data-pad on the closest flat surface. “You’d be the first and only salarian to forget something.” I took his hands and pulled him to his feet. “It’s impossible to dance worse than me.” I led him to the dance circle and we slid in between Garrus and Samara. Jack was doing her version of dancing on the War Table.

Cortez: “Hah! Captain on deck!”

Traynor: “Has Shepard always been like this?”

Tali: “Shepard is saving the galaxy. You have to forgive a few…eccentricities.”

Me: “Yeah? And who here as killed not one, but two Reapers and come back from the dead?”

Traynor: “It’s…very enthusiastic.”

Samara: “It is impressive.”

Garrus: “We should record this and broadcast it for the Reapers. They’ll either run way, melt down, or fall in love.”

Jack: “Good to see somethings don’t change.”

Cortez: “Well, I like it, Commander. It’s good to see you cut loose now and then!”

“Thank you all for your loyalty and support!” I said dryly.

So I can’t dance or drive the Mako. Big deal.

Garrus: “I’m always amazed humans can dance, with the way your legs bend.”

Traynor: “The way our legs bed?”

Tali: “Yes, you and the asari. I’m surprised you don’t tip over!”

Jack: “I don’t tip over until I’ve found company, dog-legs. Till then, watch and learn!”

“Vestibular system in human and asari ears different than turian, quarian, and salarian.” Mordin sighed in exasperation at the blank stares. “Balance. Vestibular system deals with balance.”

Samara: “Is that why asari and humans have ears?”

Mordin opened his mouth, and judging by his expression, he was about to lecture in a very condescending way.

On a normal day, Mordin rubbed people the wrong way. On a bad day, my inbox was full of complaints. On a drunk day, fist and biotics might go flying.

To hopefully avoid that, I asked the first thing that popped into my head. “Who, besides Mordin, knows the periodic table?” 


	21. Party 4

As I climbed the stairs to the balcony, I heard Vega’s voice. “Absolutely, biotics are impressive. I’m not saying they aren’t.”

Liara, Miranda, and Jacob were leaning against the balcony wall facing Vega who was by the railing. It acquired to me that if Vega wasn’t careful and one of my biotic friends was mad enough, they could easily launch his ass over the balcony. He’d live and with all his muscles would probably be fine, but it still wasn’t something I wanted to happen in my apartment.

Liara: “You’re just saying that they’re not that impressive.”

Vega: “I’m not saying anything! I’m just saying…aw, shit.”

Liara: “No, it’s fine. I’m sure no one here is insulted.”

Miranda: “Only a little.”

Jacob: “Maybe.”

“I’m just saying…What I’m trying to say is…I mean, check out these guns.” Vega flexed. “Biotics can’t give you the kind of fine instrument, the peak physical form that you see before you.”

Jacob: “Okay, you work for it. I get that.”

Vega: “I mean it, check me out.”

Liara: “Is there more to your argument?”

Vega: “Come on in closer. Don’t be shy.”

Miranda made a slightly disgusted face.

“Yeah.” Jacob gently elbowed her. “Don’t be shy.”

“Hey, what’s going on here?” I stepped in. “Everyone playing nice?”

Liara: “Of course, Shepard. James was just explaining how physical conditioning trumps biotics.”

“Yes.” Miranda rolled her eyes. “It’s a very compelling argument too.”

Me: “Really? You going there, James?”

Vega: “Come on. You have to go with me on this one. Biotics are strong, but unpredictable. All that cooling down.”

Jacob: “Shepard, where did you find this guy?”

Me: “He was already on the ship. If I wanted to keep Cortez, I had to keep James. Plus, he reminds me of a puppy. I didn’t have the heart to kick him off.”

Vega flipped me the bird. “A person can improve their physique. But biotics? They are what they are.”

Me: “You know, I bet Mordin would have a whole theoretical book about how biotics can be improved.”

Jacob: “Just one?”

I shrugged. “He’s a geneticist not a…biotic-ologist.”

“Biotics win hands down.” Miranda shook her head. “We’re talking about harnessing dark energy.”

“Okay, okay. Maybe it’s not conditioning, exactly. Maybe it’s just the conditioning of one James Vega.” He gestured towards me. “Hey, Liara, check it out. This guy never has to cool down! In fact, the hotter the better.”

“Now, hold on.” Miranda held up a hand. “We’re still talking about combat, right? Not some weird, male metaphor for sex?”

Me: “I hope to God we are.”

Miranda: “What? Talking about combat or sex?”

I paused. “I…have no idea anymore. I’m wishing I’d stayed with Mordin.”

Jacob: “Hilarious.”

Kasumi appeared behind Vega. “Just hush and do some sit-ups.” And disappeared just as quickly.

“That’s an excellent idea.” Vega declared. “Only we’ll do pushups.”

“Pushup contest?” I cocked an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah, biotic verses, uh.” Vega faltered.

“Non-biotic?” Miranda offered.

Vega: “Exactly! Jacob, mi amigo, care to step up to the challenge?”

Jacob didn’t hesitate. He took his place beside Vega.

“You can’t seriously be going along with this.” I crossed my arms leaning on the wall with Liara.

Jacob: “Have to represent the biotics.”

Me: “Wouldn’t like, oh I don’t know, Miranda, Liara, or Jack be better since theirs are, no offense, Jacob, stronger?”

“Don’t drag me into this.” Miranda held up both hands. “I want no part of this pissing contest.”

Me: “And yet here you are.”

She shrugged. “I can enjoy the show, can’t I?”

“You can watch as much as you want.” Vega said flexing an arm.

“She’s/I’m out of your league.” The rest of us said.

Poor guy.

“Any ways, can we just get this over with?” Liara sighed. “I swear, males of any species are all the same. Thank the goddess asari don’t have them.”

Me: “I don’t know. They may lack a penis, but I’ve met plenty of asari that act like males.” We watched as the combatants set to work. “There was this one commando who.”

“No.” Miranda stopped me. “The two of you are not getting into a theological argument about what makes a male and a female. If I wanted to hear that, I’d talk to Mordin.”

We fell into silence watching, but not really paying attention to, the two men.

After a while, Jacob asked. “Anyone counting? Miranda?”

Miranda: “Absolutely. I think you’re just fantastic.”

Liara: “Keep going!”

“I think we need to make this more interesting.” The women turned to me. “I think they should be doing this with a snack and a drink in each hand.”

“That’s a marvelous idea.” They both agreed.

“Sure.” Vega sounded strained. “Uh! Wow.”

Liara gasped in mock surprise. “Why is Jacob lapping you?”

“Jacob is showing you up. How come?” Miranda added.

“What do you mean?” Jacob didn’t sound winded at all. “This is my thing, baby.”

Something about this was off. “You seem a little slow tonight, James.”

Kasumi appeared sitting side saddle on Vega’s back. “Well, nobody’s perfect.” Somehow, I wasn’t shocked to see her there. “How’s it going on your end?”

And with that, Vega collapsed causing Kasumi to topple over.

Liara started laughing first, but it wasn’t long before Miranda and I joined in.

“Okay now.” Vega got back to his feet. Kasumi not far behind. “Let’s find a more fun way to get sweaty.”

Me: “That’s not another sex analogy, is it?”

Liara: “Come on! Let’s dance.”


	22. Party 5

The sound of a gun being fired sent me hurrying to the bar area to find Zaeed crouching behind the back of a couch, Wrex taking cover behind the fire place, and Javik on the far side of the couch. All three had pistols.

“Dancing.” Came Javik’s voice. “During war time wastes precious energy.”

“Can’t dance myself. I move like a greased one legged varren. Not a pretty picture.” Zaeed grumbled.

I’d pay to see that.

“What’s going on over here?” I eyed the line of empty beer bottles wearily.

They popped out of hiding and I almost jumped. I had three guns pointed at me and no gun of my own.

“Shepard!” Wrex was too excited. “Found something to shoot!”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“It’s okay. We’re all professionals here. Some of us with no deprecation, but it’s fine.” Zaeed assured me.

Wrex: “Don’t worry. This happens at krogan parties all the time.”

“And yet I’m still not comforted.”

Note to self: Stay away from krogan parties.

“Probably best I walk away now.”

“As you wish.” I had to admit, it was interesting to see Javik getting along with Wrex and Zaeed.

“I’m going to give Mordin a head’s up he might need to patch up one of you idiots.” It comes in handy to have your own super smart doctor. Super smart hot doctor.

“Shepard.” Glyph flew in my face. “At this moment, Kasumi is digging through your dresser drawers.”

It probably should surprise me more than it does. “That woman lives to cause problems.” I don’t know why she was in my room, but considering who it was, it wasn’t good.

I hurried to my room.

“Well, well, well.” Kasumi’s voice came from my closet.

I cleared my throat leaning on the closet door jab.

“Oh, hey, Shep.”

“You’re going through my drawers?”

“I go through everyone’s drawers.” As if it was the most normal thing in the world for someone to do.

“Can’t you just mingle and have fun, like a normal person?”

“Why would I want to do that?” She smirked at me. “By the way, you have excellent taste in underwear.”

I sighed heavily. “Glad you could make it, Kasumi.”

“Thanks. I’m having a really good time.”

“By your very strange standards.”

“The galaxy wants to know what kind of underwear the great Commander Shepard wears.”

“N, no it doesn’t.”

“Fangirls and fanboys will pay good credits for a pair of your underwear.”

“Now you’re just making it weird.”

“I’m making it weird?” She pulled a photo from one of her many hiding places. It was of Mordin and me in the Tech Lab. I was wearing the outfit Kasumi had given me to wear to Donovan Hock’s party and I’d been trying to get Mordin to notice me in it. Epic flirt fail. I’d experienced a lot of those. “Just how many pictures of Mordin do you need and printed copies at that?”

“How many have you found?”

“3.”

“That’s all there is.”

Kasumi used the picture to fan herself. “Nice try. I’m now making it my mission to find every single one.”

I can’t really stop her and it was pointless to try. “Whatever makes you happy. Just put them back where you found them.” I paused. “And don’t tell Mordin.”

“I make no promises.” She turned back to my dresser.

“Ten credits says you don’t find all my Mordin pictures.”

“You’re on.”


	23. Party 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a surprise for everyone! I'm writing two endings. A non-romantic ending and a romantic ending (No sex). They both start the same, but Shepard does something different to trigger the ending.

Leaving Kasumi on the hunt, I went back to dancing taking up my spot beside Mordin.

Tali: “Sixty-seven. Holmium, very reactive, very magnetic!”

It seemed they were still naming the periodic table. What had I started?

Garrus: “Turian parties almost never end with someone reciting the elements.”

Me: “I didn’t think turians had parties? Doesn’t the stick up your ass kind of prevent that?”

Garrus: “I’m dancing, aren’t I?”

Traynor: “Sixty-eight. Erbium, atomic weight:167 and change!”

Tali: “Nice! My turn. Sixty-nine…”

Jack: “In your dreams!”

Tali: “What? I don’t get it!”

Traynor: “I’ll explain it later.”

Garrus: “It’s Thulium, in case anyone cared! Turians have trace amounts in our skin. Protects us from solar radiation.”

I stopped dancing and started laughing. I was laughing so hard, I had to hold my aching side.

Cortez: “Shepard? What’s so funny?”

“Sixty-nine.” I was having a hard time breathing. “And you shouldn’t put turian in your mouth.”

Mordin: “Turians are dextro-amino. Allergic reaction in humans. Causes anapaletic shock.”

Jack got it first. “Thulium’s in turian skin and humans can’t sixty-nine them!”

“Seventy!” Traynor said loudly to stop that train of conversation.

Mordin: “Ytterbium. Very electropositive.”

I slipped out again. There was something I wanted to do before everyone was too drunk.

“Hey, everyone! Come over here for a minute!” I called over the music. “Let’s get a photo to remember this. Arrange yourselves on the sofa.”

“Great idea! I want a copy.” Liara walked over with Cortez.

Mordin sat a cushion away from me, but Tali, with Garrus’ help, slid him to my side by the shoulders. Tali then took my arm and laid it across Mordin’s shoulders.

“Much better.” She exclaimed wrapping her own arm around Garrus’.

“Thanks for coming, everyone. Here’s to us!” I pulled Mordin closer. “Ready Glyph?”

“Of course.” Glyph flew in. “If you could all please direct your attention this way…”

I checked to make sure everyone was here. “Okay. Everyone say ‘Normandy’.”

“Normandy!”


	24. The Next Morning-Nonromantic

“Oof.” My head was pounding as I slowly woke up. “What a night.”

“Shepard?”

I opened my eyes to find Mordin leaning over me.

“Jesus!” I dropped off the side of my bed hitting the floor hard.

Mordin walked around the bed to look down curiously at me.

“Damn it, Mordin, I’ve asked you not to do that.” I pushed myself up off the floor.

“My apologize.”

I’m guessing he wasn’t that sorry. “We were up all-night partying. How are you so awake and not hung over?”

“Salarian. Don’t require much sleep.”

“Yeah, I know, but you’d think you’d sleep more than an hour to recover from last night.”

“I did.” He informed me. “Slept for an hour and a half.”

“Oh, a whole half an hour longer.”

Mordin shrugged. “It’s morning. Thought you’d like to be awakened.”

Aside from scaring the hell out of me, it was nice to wake up and see Mordin first thing.

“Who else is awake?” I asked.

“Unknown. I have yet to look.”

I cocked my head. “Yet to look?” I glanced around my room. My bed showed signs that I wasn’t the only one that had been sleeping in it and I saw a datapad I knew to be Mordin’s resting on the night stand.

He’d been sleeping beside me and I wasn’t conscious to see it?! Not fair.

I heard a low pained groan coming from my bathroom. I looked to Mordin.

“Ah, should mention. Javik passed out in bathroom.”

“You saw this and just let it happen?”

Mordin shrugged. “Seemed harmless. Made sure didn’t pass out in hot tub.”

The prothean was barley sitting up on my bathroom floor. At least he didn’t barf on or in anything important. “Is it time to rule the galaxy now? Kneel before Javik.” His head lulled a little. “I…had a…dream. Fifty thousand years had passed. It was horrible. I was alone. The primitives had evolved. They ruled the galaxy. Salarins, turians, and…the asari.”

I crouched down before him. “You really don’t like the asari for some reason.”

“There was one, ‘Liara’. She had these eyes. And that voice, And she was…blue. No, no…it was just a dream.”

“Denial.” Mordin crossed his arms behind me. “Not good defense mechanism. When realization takes over, very stressful.”

Javik sniffed the air. “I smell primitives.” He stared at me as if he’d just noticed I was there. “It was no dream.”

“Sorry to disappoint you.” I stood up. “Are you okay in here?”

“Bah, leave me, primitive.” 

I turned to Mordin. “You heard the last member of the superior race.”

Mordin and I walked from my room to find Liara and Garrus sitting across from each other.

Liara saw me first and Garrus turned to see what she was looking at.

“Shepard.” He said tiredly. “Did we break anything last night? I don’t suppose you need anything around here…calibrated.”

I’m pretty sure I groaned.

“Yeah, okay. Maybe I should stop saying that word, but only if Liara stops saying ‘by the goddess’.”

I had to laugh at him changing his voice to badly sound like Liara’s.

Liara must have been pretty out of it, because she ignored him and asked. “Was someone making tea? I could really use some tea.”

Mordin nodded. “Tea. Not hang over cure. Helpful none the less.”

“Garrus, where’s Tali?” I asked as Mordin headed down stars.

“She’s still recovering. She was pretty drunk last night. She kept talking about a tattoo she got with an omni-tool.”

I contemplated that. “Omni-too?”

“She did say that.” He stood up. “I’m gana check on her.”

Liara followed his lead. “I’m going to find some tea.”

They left me with a very groggy Samara sitting in my rock garden. “Shepard, good morning.”

“Good morning?” I looked down at her. “Samara, if we ever do this again, don’t say ‘good’ before ‘morning’.” I rubbed at my temple. “Very little of this is ‘good’.”

She nodded once then winced. “Where’s your…?” She struggled to think of the word eventually giving up and made a finger gun. “You don’t look right without it.”

My hand went to my hip. She was right. “I better fix my fashion snafu then.”

I went back to my room to retrieve my favorite gun. With Mordin and hungover Javik distracting me, I’d forgotten it on my bedside table. 

I checked in on Javik again just to make sure he was still among the living. I needed to remember to thank Mordin for making sure the very last prothean didn’t drown in my new hot tub. Wouldn’t that be something?

“Wait a minute.” I said aloud. “Why was there water in the hot tub?”

I mean, yeah, I’d thought about getting Mordin in it. I knew it was a silly and unlikely scenario, but it was a nice fantasy.

“Samantha Traynor.” Kasumi said right next to my ear. When she’d first started doing that a year or so ago I jumped every time. Now, I just assume she’s always there and will eventually get tired of it. Probably another long shot. 

“Why was Traynor in my hot tub?”

“Oh, she never went in it. She’d been planning to, but couldn’t talk EDI into joining her.”

“Why my hot tub? Why the one in my room?”

“It’s the only one, Shep.”

“Right…still.”

“I figured it wouldn’t work.” Kasumi lazily sat down on the edge of my bed. “It was still fun to watch her try though.”

This confused me. “Why would she want EDI in a hot tub? It’s not like EDI’s wearing clothes. She’s technically running around naked.”

Kasumi just laughed.

I grabbed my gun, checked to make sure it was loaded, and attached it to my hip.

“I found 5 pictures.” Kasumi waved the small stack at me.

“Very nice.” I snatched them from her hand flipping through them. “But you missed one.”

“I most certainly did not! Sneaking and finding people’s things is my bread and butter.”

“I admit, you’re very good. I didn’t think you’d find this one.” I held up a picture of Mordin sipping the salarian version of tea. “But that doesn’t change the fact you missed one.”

“And where is this ‘missed one’?” She air quoted.

“My bread and butter is being able to do the impossible.” I walked over to my bedside table, pulled out the drawer, and ripped the picture from under it. The great Commander Shepard would never put something so important in such an obvious place. The best places to hide things are places nobody’d think to check. 

I looked at the picture and smiled sadly. It was my most current picture of Mordin as well as my favorite yet least favorite. 

It was Mordin in the elevator on Tuchunka. He was smiling a sad little smile at me with a slight wave. We both thought he wasn’t coming back alive. He’d been saying good-bye.

“Since you somehow seemed to have stumped me, I have something for you.” Kasumi smiled that troublesome smile. “I think you’ll appreciate it more than 10 credits.”

“O…kay?” Good, God what did she steal now?

Kasumi reached behind her back and presented a small data-pad to me. It was the kind a lot of people used to record their wills.

“Thanks?” I paused. “Are you trying to less than subtly tell me something?”

She laughed again. “No, there’s already something recorded. Listen.” She pushed ‘play’.

“Shepard, hope you’re well. Knew mission on Tuchanka could end things. Made preparations. Asked friends in STG to leave this with you next time you were off duty. Some of my older work: performances, stories. Merely entertainment, but entertainment useful at times. Good luck.”

I stood staring at the data-pad, I’m sure my mouth was hanging open.

Kasumi seemed to somehow smile bigger. “How’d the little dare devil survive anyway?”

I snorted. Dr. Mordin Solus, salarian dare devil. “He says he doesn’t know. He says the last thing he remembered was watching the cure upload, a loud explosion, then a cartilage breaking hug from Eve.”

Kasumi leaned back too relaxed in my opinion. “I bet that was nothing compared to the Commander Shepard hug he got from you.”

I didn’t respond, embarrassed at how I’d acted when I’d found out Mordin was alive. More embarrassing was how I’d acted in between. Shortly after I’d lead Mordin to his ‘death’ Thane had died. Thane had been like a wiser older brother, the kind that seemed so much older than you were. I’d been full of crazy emotions at the time and for better or worse, anger had won out.

I’d pummeled James’ punching bag until I’d broken my left hand’s knuckles. I would have kept going if James hadn’t practically tackled me. I could still hear Cortez’s frantic voice telling me to stop.

“It’s cute.” Kasumi’s voice brought me back to the present.

“What is?”

“He thought he was going to die, so he left you a little good-bye present.” She pointed at me. “You, Shepard, and only you.”

I smiled slightly. “I’d say he feels bad that I’m crushing after him, but his emotions flip flop worse than a pancake.”

Kasumi laughed so hard she threw her head back. “There’s something hilarious about you saying ‘crushing’ and not mean it in the literal sense.” She clapped me on the arm. “I’m gana make myself scarce. Plenty of things to do before you boot some Reapers back into deep space.”

And she disappeared. 

I sat down on my bed and pressed ‘play’.

“Hello, Perry the Pyjak. Happy to be here. ‘Science Fun Today’ very respected. Education of youth vital for future. Now children, science key to advancement but can seem esoteric, indirect. Practical demonstration helps. Release the varren! Native to Tuchanka. Dangerous predator, but can be incapacitated with common household chemicals! Observe…Wait, please move Perry the pyjack away from the varren. Puppets similar to prey, could trigger attack inst…Ah, problematic.”

Once it was finished, I sat there, staring at the data-pad without really seeing it. 

“Shepard?”

I jerked out of my haze and turned. Mordin stood in my bedroom doorway. He cocked his head at me. 

“Everyone gathering down stairs. Vega created an excessive amount of scrambled eggs. Not nutritious. Fortunately others have contributed their meager cooking skills.” He smiled slightly. “It is all edible. No guarantee on taste.” There was a short pause. “Coming?”

I smiled myself. “Wouldn’t miss it.”


	25. The Next Morning-Romantic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is Cortez/Vega in this chapter. You know how before the final battle your lover comes to your room and after your dream your lover encourages you, I wanted to add that.

“Oof.” My head was pounding as I slowly woke up. “What a night.”

“Shepard?”

I opened my eyes to find Mordin leaning over me.

“Jesus!” I dropped off the side of my bed hitting the floor hard.

Mordin walked around the bed to look down curiously at me.

“Damn it, Mordin, I’ve asked you not to do that.” I pushed myself up off the floor.

“My apologize.”

I’m guessing he wasn’t that sorry. “We were up all night partying, how are you so awake and not hung over?”

“Salarian. I don’t require much sleep.”

“Yeah, I know, but you’d think you’d sleep more than an hour to recover from last night.”

“Did.” He informed me. “Slept for an hour and a half.”

“Oh, a whole half an hour longer.”

Mordin shrugged. “It’s morning. Thought you’d like to be awakened.”

Aside from scaring the hell out of me, it was nice to wake up and see Mordin first thing.

“Who else is awake?” I asked.

“Unknown. I have yet to look.”

I cocked my head. “Yet to look?” I glanced around my room. My bed showed signs that I wasn’t the only one that had been sleeping in it and I saw a datapad I knew to be Mordin’s resting on the night stand.

He’d been sleeping beside me and I wasn’t conscious to see it?! Not fair.

I heard a low pained groan coming from my bathroom. I looked to Mordin.

“Ah, should mention. Javik passed out in bathroom.”

“You saw this and just let it happen?”

Mordin shrugged. “Seemed harmless. Made sure didn’t pass out in hot tub.”

The prothean was barley sitting up on my bathroom floor. At least he didn’t barf on or in anything important. “Is it time to rule the galaxy now? Kneel before Javik.” His head lulled a little. “I…had a…dream. Fifty thousand years had passed. It was horrible. I was alone. The primitives had evolved. They ruled the galaxy. Salarins, turians, and…the asari.”

I crouched down before him. “You really don’t like the asari for some reason.”

“There was one, ‘Liara’. She had these eyes. And that voice, And she was…blue. No, no…it was just a dream.”

“Denial.” Mordin crossed his arms behind me. “Not good defense mechanism. When realization takes over, very stressful.”

Javik sniffed the air. “I smell primitives.” He stared at me as if he’d just noticed I was there. “It was no dream.”

“Sorry to disappoint you.” I stood up. “Are you okay in here?”

“Bah, leave me, primitive.” 

I turned to Mordin. “You heard the last member of the superior race.”

Mordin and I walked from my room to find Liara and Garrus sitting across from each other.

Liara saw me first and Garrus turned to see what she was looking at.

“Shepard.” He said tiredly. “Did we break anything last night? I don’t suppose you need anything around here…calibrated.”

I’m pretty sure I groaned.

“Yeah, okay. Maybe I should stop saying that word, but only if Liara stops saying ‘by the goddess’.”

I had to laugh at him changing his voice to badly sound like Liara’s.

Liara must have been pretty out of it, because she ignored him and asked. “Was someone making tea? I could really use some tea.”

Mordin nodded. “Tea. Not hang over cure. Helpful none the less.”

“Garrus, where’s Tali?” I asked as Mordin headed down stars.

“She’s still recovering. She was pretty drunk last night. She kept talking about a tattoo she got with an omni-tool.”

I contemplated that. “Omni-too?”

“She did say that.” He stood up. “I’m gana check on her.”

Liara followed his lead. “I’m going to find some tea.”

My stomach chose that moment to growl. “I’ll go with you, Liara.” I hurried after her. “I hope James’ making eggs.”

“He makes eggs?”

“The best.” I could already feel my mouth watering.

I was very, very disappointed when I came down stairs and there weren’t any eggs

I furrowed my brow. “Does anyone know where James is?”

Miranda, who was sipping tea, pointed to one of the many bedrooms. Unlike all the other rooms, this door was shut. “Along with Cortez.”

“Why’re they?” My hung-over brain wasn’t putting two and two together.

Mordin answered me. “Copious amounts of alcoholic beverages and an explanation of sexual tension.”

“Please tell me you didn’t explain sexual tension to them.” I rubbed at my forehead. There was that headache. 

He stared at me for a moment then said. “All right.”

I hated myself, but I had to know. “What did you tell them?”

“This oughta be good.” Jack opened the refrigerator and pulled out a beer.

“You can’t possibly be drinking more?” Miranda looked horrified.

Jack flipped her the bird.

“Sexual tension.” Mordin’s voice cut in. “Occurs between those with a close and flirtatious relationship. James Vega observed many times sharing sexual humor with Steve Cortez. Common to deny such feelings.”

God, if Mordin noticed it, it must have been bad.

“About damn time.” I mumbled.

“My very sentiments. Sexual tension can cause distractions. Reaper battle close. Cannot afford distractions.” 

“Wait a fucking minute.” Jack cut in. “You convinced those two to fuck because of the damn Reapers?”

Miranda ‘tsk’ed in disgust at Jack.

Mordin shook his head. “Added bonus’ as you humans say. I simply suggested the idea. Offered advice. Offered to forward vids and diagrams.”

“Oh, good God.” I buried my face in my hand. Jack was laughing her head off.

“Was not aware Cortez was once married.”

“Tell me you didn’t bring that up.”

Mordin scowled. “No, no, Cortez told me. Informed me that he didn’t require my assistance, already knowledgeable. It’s hard to distinguish some human emotions, but I believe he spoke in an awkward tone.” 

“I don’t think ‘awkward’ is an emotion.” Miranda smiled behind her tea cup.

“Embarrassed then?”

I debated on what to say. This conversation could go on for hours if I didn’t stop it. “Sure.”

The salarian thought this over. “Did inform Vega of possible lubricant substitutes in pinch.”

Jack, at this point, was laughing so hard, she had to hold on to the table to keep herself steady. 

I looked at Mordin. He was observing Jack and explaining how to prevent hiccups from laughing too hard. “Well, good for James and Cortez.” And at least some of us were in semi-functional relationships. Garrus/Tali, Joker/EDI, and now Cortez/Vega. 

Savior of the galaxy and all I had was a hot as hell salarian who wasn’t interested in me in the slightest. How was that fair?

“Jack.” I interrupted her laughing fit. “Do me a favor and check on the others. Make sure they’re all still breathing.”

She cocked an eyebrow at me, shot a glance at Mordin, then smirked. “Sure thing, Shepard, but if any of them are passed the fuck out, I get to blast them with some biotics.” 

“Miranda, make sure she doesn’t kill anyone.”

Sensing something, she caved. “For you, Shepard.”

Once Jack and Miranda left, it was just Mordin and me in the kitchen.

“Clearly, you have something on your mind.” Mordin broke the ice.

“What makes you say that?”

Mordin tucked his hands behind his back. “Making same ticks when wanted to talk back in the Tech Lab.”

I puckered my lips. A down side to his identic memory. “Do you ever get the feeling something’s not going to end well, no matter how hard you try?”

Mordin gave me a curious look. “Can’t say I have. Try not to dwell on it.”

“When we went into the Collector Base, I knew we were going to win. We were all going to come back alive.” I’d almost lost Mordin. I’d barley saved him from slipping to his doom. “I wasn’t worried, I wasn’t nervous, and I wasn’t scared. But now?” I sighed. “I don’t know. Something just doesn’t feel right. Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe I haven’t done enough. Have I done enough?”

“Shepard?”

“Mmm?”

“Single handedly united a galaxy.”

I shook my head. “No, I.”

“Gave many a symbol to rally behind. Made genophage cure possible. Convinced hated species to co-operate. Gave quarians back home world. Stood against impossible odds. Held the line.”

I smiled despite myself. “Personally prefer to finish job and go home.”

He nodded. “Always best to return home.”

We were silent again.

“Still plan on collecting sea shells when this is over. Your company would be appreciated.”

I stared wide eyed at him.

“Also promised Eve to visit.”

I still stared.

“Tuchunka perfect place to find suitable varren pet.”

“Mordin Solus.” I stood in mock indignation. “Are you trying to bribe me into doing something?”

He shrugged. “Perhaps want to try human.”

My brain was trying to process what he’d just said. “Are you saying that to humor me or are you promising me something you think I won’t be able to collect?”

He looked a little annoyed.

“I’m being serious. A year ago you turned me down.” And it had really hurt too. “I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

Mordin effortlessly moved his lower eye lids. I knew that gesture. I had attempted it myself. “Shepard. I do not give false hope. Bad policy.”

I pulled him to me in a tight hug. I just held him as tight as I could without hurting him. 

“Shepard?”

“Yes?” I whispered against his neck.

“Should release me. Probably.”

“Do I have to?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! I hope everyone enjoyed! Thanks for reading and all your kudos and comments!

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYHllI5uqhg  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B7QfBC_Nmk
> 
> I used these videos as references.


End file.
